'BROTHERS'

Brothers (2009)
- Jim Sheridan (In the Name of the Father, In America) directed this uneven remake of Susanne Bier's Danish film, Brodre, which was only released back in 2004. It stars Jake Gyllenhaal as ex-con Tommy Cahill, who, after his older brother, Captain Sam Cahill (Tobey Maguire), goes missing in Afghanistan, comforts Sam's wife Grace (Natalie Portman) and his two daughters, Isabella and Maggie (played brilliantly by Bailee Madison and Taylor Geare). Problems begin once Sam is rescued and confronts Tommy and Grace concerning infidelity with a not so stable state of mind. This film could have been so much better than it turned out to be. I had read the mixed reviews on this film but still wanted to check out it because I was very intrigued by the story line, even though, to tell you the truth, is bit of a rip off of Hal Ashby's 1978 classic, Coming Home, with Jon Voight and Jane Fonda. But once I saw it, it seemed like they put barely any effort into at all. As if they just rushed the whole thing threw it out there without a care in the world. The only engaging performances were from the two children. They were practically upstaging Natalie Portman. Aside from them, I'd have to say Tobey Maguire gives the better performance of the three principal actors, only because his character is obviously the major developer and is the most complex. I think Natalie Portman was miscast for the role of Grace Cahill. She looks too exotic and way too perfect looking to be the wife of a soldier in a small town. The role should have gone to Miss Carey Mulligan (who actually has a very minor cameo in the film as another wife of a dead soldier). This film is unbalanced with the silly comedic scenes, especially when Gyllenhaal is painting Grace's kitchen with Ethan Suplee and the other stooges. And then all of a sudden it dives into the heavy stuff in Afghanistan with Maguire. It just felt silly to me more than anything. I'd expect a whole lot better from Jim Sheridan, whose directed Daniel Day-Lewis THREE TIMES! However, he did follow Get Rich or Die Tryin' with this film, so... I guess every director has his weak streak in their careers. I give this film 2 out of 5 stars.




Sincerely,
FILMBOY - Chris von Hoffmann


ENTRY QUOTE:

"Filmmaking is a chance to live many lifetimes." - Robert Altman

SUNDANCE 2010

I had the pleasure of attending the Sundance film festival for the second time this year and saw some amazing pictures over the short vacation. Here's what I thought of them...



1. Animal Kingdom
- This was the first film I managed to see at Sundance and boy, was it a great start. David Michod wrote and directed this Australian crime film with Joel Edgerton and Jacki Weaver. It revolves around an 17-year-old emotionless kid named Josh (played superbly by James Frecheville) who loses his neglectful mother to a drug overdose and is taken in by his overly loving grandmother (Aussie genius, Jacki Weaver) and his three much older criminal uncles (Joel Edgerton, Luke Ford, and Sullivan Stapleton). Josh eventually finds himself exploring the troubles of this explosive criminal family, who are extremely hated by the police, and once he finds himself caught right in the middle of a serious investigation, Detective Leckie (Guy Pearce) steps in to try to save him from the criminal dysfunction that now is his life. I have been a huge fan of Australian cinema ever since I saw Jon Hewitt's Acolytes at the Toronto Film Festival in 2008. The performances are flawless and the story is fascinating. Apparently it's based on the true corrupt police force as well as the high murder rate in Melbourne in the late 1980's. It may seem fuzzy at some points towards the end, but it makes up for it in the climax. Ben Mendelsohn gives a chilling performance as Pope, the oldest son/uncle, and the most deranged and unstable of the pack. New comer James Frecheville is absolutely fantastic as his vulnerable role of Josh. And Jacki Weaver is so terrifying and frightening that you absolutely love her at the end. This film was a great kick off to my line of films at Sundance.

2. The Killer Inside Me
- Michael Winterbottom (24 Hour Party People, A Mighty Heart) directed this remake of Burt Kennedy's 1976 film of the same name, as well as an adaptation of Jim Thompson's 1952 novel. An odd collection of actors fill in the ensemble for this interesting noir thriller consisting of Casey Affleck, Tom Bower, Elias Koteas, Liam Aiken, Jessica Alba, Kate Hudson--WAIT, WHAT?! I know! And can you believe Winterbottom actually asked them specifically to play their roles? Alba plays a pain loving prostitute that Affleck is constantly beating and sleeping with, and Hudson plays his wife. Hudson is definitely the worst in this film. And not only is she terrible in it, her character is ridiculous. There is no point to it. It seems like she was just thrown in there. No development. No nothing. Simply furniture. And Hudson absolutely did nothing to improve her character. This film got off to an interesting start (with a very cool Tarantino-style opening credit sequence), but myself and many others in the audience got very turned off by a much too long absolutely BRUTAL scene between Affleck and Alba, where Casey Affleck beats her to a bloody pulp. And I mean BEATS HER! To the point where her face looks like a deranged mask you find in a Halloween store. And then much later on, Hudson gets her turn (not as graphic though, I assure you). Now I understand Winterbottom was trying to be faithful to Thompson's novel, but come on. He could of easily just had one punch shown and then from there on, nothing but sound effects. It would have been way more effective, believe me. But it truly seems that films seem to get more and more graphic each year. If we keep on seeing this extreme violence on screen (particularly against women, which is much overused), then, I'm not saying someone will go out and beat another to death, but it does seem more... acceptable, I guess is the word. Would you agree? However, the film still didn't lose my entire attention after the horrific beating of Jessica Alba, cause the other performances and the whole crazy story was very engaging. Casey Affleck is perfectly cast as this perfect looking "boy next door" deputy Sheriff in this small Texas town who is slowly unmasked as a psychotic serial killer, but it goes much deeper than that. This film definitely had sheds of Coen Brothers noir in it. Think No Country for Old Men meets The Man Who Wasn't There. I was very half and half on this one, however. I didn't love it nor did I hate it. I thought it could have been a hell of a lot better, and at times, seemed very unfocused. I really pray that Winterbottom trims down the beating scene with Alba, because frankly, right now, I think it's up there with the infamous rape scene in Gasper Noe's Irreversible.

3. Jack Goes Boating
- Philip Seymour Hoffman makes his directing debut with Jack Goes Boating. The film's star Hoffman, himself, and co-stars John Ortiz, and Daphne Rubin-Vega reprise their roles, having worked together in the stage production of the same name. This is a lovely hopeful story of Jack (Hoffman), a lonely, depressed limo driver in New York City, who after being set up on a blind date, Connie (Amy Ryan), by his best friend, fellow limo driver, Clyde (John Ortiz), begins to see life in a whole new light and begin to sculpt himself thoroughly. In the midst of all this, Clyde and his wife, Lucy (Daphne Rubin-Vega) start to crumble, as Jack and Connie start to flourish. Hoffman plays a daring first effort on this film, and I was very impressed. It's a bit rough around the edges, being that it's a first time for him, but that's not enough from keeping you from enjoying it. It's a beautiful story of different relationships in the backdrop of winter in New York and was told very authentically and gracefully by Mr. Hoffman. You have a whole new love for New York after you see this film, much like what Woody Allen did with 1979's Manhattan.

4. The Extra Man
- Sherri Springer Berman and Robert Pulcini return to Sundance this year after 2003 with their cult indy hit, American Splendor, with this absolutely hysterical and very enlightening film of Louis Ives (played by Paul Dano) who is obsessed with F. Scott Fitzgerald and cross dressing. Interesting combo, huh? Louis makes the plunge and moves to Manhattan to pursue his lifelong dream of becoming a writer, but ends up working as a sales caller for an environmental magazine, when he's anything but green. He is, however, very distracted by his beautiful co-worker Mary (played suprisingly well by Katie Holmes). Louis eventually moves into his apartment and that's when he meets Henry Harrison (the amazing Kevin Kline) his roommate. Henry is anything but normal. He is an eccentric washed up old fashioned playwright who seems like he's stuck in the 1920's. Henry is also a social escort for much older wealthy women. Which is where the phrase, "Extra Man" comes from. The two form an unexpected bond as the film progresses. I have never laughed out loud this hard in quite a long time. Kline and Dano have this hilarious chemistry, and the jokes seriously come at you like a bullet. And John C. Reilly makes a brilliant co-star in this piece, as Gershon, the mysterious grizzly bearded car mechanic who lives downstairs in their apartment building. He is quiet for half the film, and I will not give away anything of when he finally speaks... This film is a delight and is out there to please anyone. The humor is cerebral and perfect, the cast is excellent, and the story is original. What more could you want in a film? If you like the HBO show, Bored to Death, then you'll love this film, cause Jonathan Ames (creator of Death), co-wrote it with the directors. This is by far the best film I saw at Sundance this year, and to think, I originally wasn't even planning on seeing this!

5. Frozen
- Cult horror filmmaker Adam Green (Hatchet, Spiral) wrote and directed this edge of your seat non stop brutal nail biter. It centers on three college students (Kevin Zegers, Shawn Ashmore, and newcomer, Emma Bell) who get stuck on a chair lift over 50 feet above ground at a crappy ski resort that's only open friday-sunday (this specific night... being sunday). They are then forced to make some risky decisions in order to survive. Unfortunately this film only severely picks up once they start panicking on the chair lift (about 30 minutes in), but everything leading up to that point is incredibly dull. The acting and writing is half assed until that specific point. But really, all there doing is screaming for their lives and the occasional mental breakdown here and there. I have to say, this film is by no means far fetched though, which is a major plus to scare audiences, especially if you love to snowboard like I do. I happened to catch the Q&A with the director and cinematographer and they discussed all the research in detail of what you can survive from and what you can't. That's the major part of this film that freaks you out. I rank it up there with Open Water. I had gone to see my father, who was skiing at a nearby resort while I went to see this film, and just walking onto the snow gave me chills after seeing this. It's like walking into Times Square after watching Cloverfield. The acting gets much more solid once they start fighting for their lives, but unfortunately there is quite a bit of dead weight while they are sitting on the chair lift, mainly during the daytime, talking about childhood stories and nonsense. Mainly just trying to kill time until they have to face another brutal evening of terror. This film did put me on the edge of my seat and did make me cringe quite a bit, but I will not give anything away. I'm just going to say that the three kids and the chairlift are not the only colorful characters in this delightful nightmare. There are bits of cheesy dialogue and monologues and times when your saying to yourself, "Oh come on, man. I can't believe you just said that! That's so fucken lame!" But hey, the film disturbs you enough to make up for it. I have to give props to Mr. Adam Green, considering he wrote and directed the over the top gorefest, Hatchet, which is an ultimate favorite among die hard horror fans. However, he seemed to have approached this film completely different with a whole other outlook on REAL horror. I wouldn't even consider this film a horror film. More like a thriller genre with some heavy drama, but nothing compared to Hatchet's graphic nature. I actually preferred this film way over Hatchet, even though they are both very different types of films. I do recommend this film, but expect that it is what it is and is not out there out to stand the test of time. It's mainly out there to run chills down your spine and make you think twice about heading out to the slopes this winter. In that case, I say it did it's job.

6. Blue Valentine
- Newcomer Derek Cianfrance directed and co-wrote this uniquely told gripping raw tale of a troubled married couple (Ryan Gosling and Michelle Williams) who shack up in a crumby theme motel and attempt to fall back in love. While this is occurring, we are shifting back and forth between the past and the present. When they met and fell heads over heels for each other and when they crumbled. I have to say, I have been admiring Gosling and Williams for quite sometime now and it was just a matter of time until they both acting directly opposite each other. However, they did both act in 2003's The United States of Leland but not together. This film is dark. It is rough. It is real. Cianfrance takes a simple story of a failing marriage and makes it his own. He had been writing this film since 1998 when he first arrived in Sundance with his student film, Brother Tied. Another major stand out is the little girl who plays their daughter. Miss Faith Wladyka. A superb cast all around. Everyone is cast perfectly. I recommend this film and consider it one of the top films I saw at Sundance.

7. Buried
- This was the final film I had the pleasure of seeing at Sundance this year and boy, I sure went out with a bang. Young Spanish filmmaker Rodrigo Cortes (director of Dirt Devil and Concurstante) directed this incredibly difficult story to pull off. Practically the entire crew on this production were Spanish with the exception of American screenwiter Chris Sparling (who has written a fantastic script I might add) and American leading man, Ryan Reynolds. WHAT?! RYAN REYNOLDS?! Well, that was exactly my reaction when I first read about this film a couple days before I saw it at the Prospector Square Theatre in Park City. I have seen most of Reynolds' stuff, including last years Sundance sensation, Adventureland, but never really thought he was all that great. He just didn't do it for me. Now this film, Buried, is something that really tests an actor's performance. It is a one man cast revolving around a U.S. contractor named Paul Conroy (played by Reynolds of course) working in Iraq, who, after an attack by the Iraqis, he wakes up to find himself buried in a coffin. All he is equipped with is a lighter and a cell phone (with 3 out of 5 bars) and begins a race against time to escape. Yes, there are multiple actors who provide their voices, when Paul calls them for help (including the lovable voice of character actor Mr. Stephen Tobolowsky!). I really had doubts about this story and couldn't believe that it was only going to be taking place in one small coffin for 90 minutes! Now I have seen other films with similar 'one location' scenarios including, Open Water and Frozen, but this film has one actor only and never, I repeat, NEVER leaves the coffin! You are with him from the moment the opening credits end to the moment the closing credits begin. You are literally with him in the coffin. Now I am pretty claustrophobic, so this film terrified the hell out of me. I mean, is there anything worse than being buried alive inside a coffin? You might think of a million other awful scenarios, but this is by far, in the top five for me. Ryan Reynolds give the perfect amount of sarcasm and shear panic to the role of Paul Conroy which he usually is pretty good at balancing, since his film credits keep bouncing back and forth between comedy and drama like Anne Heche with her sexuality. It was just a matter of time until they combined them and crammed into one meaty role such as this one. It worked sensationally. I have to say, I saw some pretty disturbing films at Sundance this year, but this one is definitely the most disturbing. Because your right there with him. Your sweating with him. Your panicking with him. Your in it... with him. I take my hats off to all who made this film happen and knows what it truly means to terrify someone mentally. If Hitchcock was alive today I think he would be very proud of Buried. Well done.




Well, that's my full review on the seven fascinating films I saw at Sundance 2010. As usual, Sundance continues to present films that rewrite the rules of filmmaking and show people what telling a story is truly about. Please feel free to comment and look for more entries. Thank you for reading and hope you continue.



Sincerely,
FILMBOY - Chris von Hoffmann




ENTRY QUOTE:

"My definition of success is control." - Kenneth Brannagh

MOST DISTURBING OF THE LAST DECADE

This past decade, there have been dozens of outrageous, shocking films that you have watched and were cringing to a point where you either had to pause it to take a breather or shut it off completely. There have been films you have gone to see in the cinema and they shook you up so much that you and many others picked yourself up from your seat and left the theatre ready to vomit. Whether it's a grotesque horror film or an intense 'pushing the envelope' art house film or even a 'banned from every single country but Slovakia' film. I have narrowed it down to, what I think, are the top ten most disturbing and graphic films of this past decade. Please feel free to agree, disagree, or suggest some other shockers! Here we go...




MOST DISTURBING:



1. Ken Park (2002)
-Larry Clark co-directed this so called "art house" sex filled coming of age film along with cinematographer, Edward Lachman. Now Larry Clark has been known to push the buttons and use teenagers over and over in his films and throw them in the most disturbing, sexual situations, but this film, by far, takes the cake. It takes the whole bakery. Harmony Korine (writer of cult indy classic, Kids) was the writer for this film as well, so you know your in for an interesting treat (Gummo...?). I remember when I was 18-years-old and I was going through a "Larry Clark Phase" in my life and was fascinated by all of his films and why he was so interested in teenagers and skateboarding and youth, himself, being a Vietnam veteran in his 60s. By this time I had just watched, what I thought, was his last film for me to see (that being 2006's Wassup Rockers). And then I discovered this little picture and started doing a ton of looking into it. Finding out some of the craziest stories, of how it was banned from practically every country in the world and of its insane graphic nature. Once I heard about this, I knew I had to get a hold of it ASAP. So I actually had to special order this film from eBay with Japanese subtitles. When it finally came, the case was very crappy and the cover was just a blurry image of the three of the four lead actors (James Bullard, Tiffany Limos, and Stephen Jasso) all buck naked on a couch together. So right off the bat, I knew what I read was most likely true. I finally watched it, and BOY were all these stories VERY TRUE. This film has real oral sex, a real sex orgy (performed interestingly to 'Out of Hand' by Gary Stewart), a real masturbation scene (from beginning to... end), and some of the most graphic dialogue and violence I have ever heard or seen in a teen film. This is by far, one of the most cringing films involving youngsters you'll ever see in your life. I mean this makes Kids look like Mean Creek. I mean the film opens up with the title character (Ken Park, played by Adam Chubbuck) blowing his brains out at a public crowded skate park, so... yeah, this film is a rough ride. However, this is not really a good film. The acting is all from non-actors (Clark's ideal approach), and most of them are not particularly good. Only a few of the actors are known (i.e. Amanda Plummer, Wade Williams). But Clark just makes this film disgusting for the sake of it. It's in by no means "art." It's just crap. I mean, for example, when Wade Williams is piss drunk, he whips "it" out to pee in the toilet, and of course, what does Clark do? Zooms in on Williams' penis?! I mean, what the hell purpose does that serve the audience? Why do we need to see that? Why do we need to see a start-finish masturbation of a 17-year-old kid? Did I mention this same kid (played menacingly by James Ransone) viciously stabs his grandparents to death in their sleep? Oh yes. This film is one for the records. He stabs his grandmother over and over in her breasts to be exact. Whether it's Tiffany Limos' character's father biting off a piece of her boyfriend's cheek, or Wade Williams trying to go down on his own son (Stephen Jasso). This film is a disturbing shock fest and I really think it's only for people who are curious and/or fascinated by Clark, cause that was my excuse.



2. Cloud Nine (2008)
-I had the utmost pleasure of opening my visit in Canada for the 2008 Toronto Film Festival with this heart wrenching German film. Andreas Dresen directed this film and co-wrote alongside Jorg Hauschild, Laila Steiler, and Cooky Ziesche. A cautionary tale of a woman in her seventies, and after 30 years of marriage, decides to have an affair with another man around her age. Now the acting is nothing short of brilliant as well as the marvelous storytelling and realism, however, consider this elderly soft core pornography. There are quite a bit of dangerous sex scenes that we haven't all seen before. Picture your grandparents going at as if they were in some raunchy porno. Now I do want to give off the wrong impression of Cloud Nine because it really is a beautiful story of a woman sick of where her life is heading and decides to make a change before it's too late. But her husband does not take it too lightly. This film is a must see for ultra cinema aficionados and foreign film lovers.


3. The Hills Have Eyes (2006)
-First off, I have to say this is by far, one of my all time favorite horror remakes. Especially of this past decade. And for die hard horror fans, this film has absolutely everything to offer. Severe brutality, terrifying killers, great acting, kick ass story, and sadistic revenge at the end... all wrapped up into 107 minutes! Everything from Wes Craven's 1977 original cult classic, just a lot more violent and a hell of a lot more dangerous. French filmmaker (and one of my personal favorite horror filmmakers) Alexandre Aja directed and co-wrote this reboot of Wes Craven's 70s B film of the same name. For those of who you who don't know, Hills revolves around a typical all American family, the Carters, who take a detour through the desert and have their car breakdown in the middle of the road and the middle of nowhere. What they don't know and eventually find out as the sun descends, is that cannibalistic mutants have inhabited the hills within the desert and are preparing to make their move on the poor suckers. Now yes, there is a lot of sick scenes and deaths (the eating of Kathleen Quinlan's body, the dog ripped open, the suckers in the opening scene), but I believe the scene that really shocked me the most and definitely ran chills down my spine was the trailer park nightmare. The first and most brutal attack by the mutants. From the horrific brief rape scene of Emilie de Ravin to Vinessa Shaw getting shot in the head, and Kathleen Quinlan getting blown away shortly after. From the terrifying sounds of Ted Levine screaming outside the trailer as he's getting burned to a crisp while his family watches to Pluto (the biggest mutant) making goofy faces at the baby, preparing to kidnap her. All of this spells out DISTURBING. When this scene was over, I literally could not get all of that out of my head for the next two weeks. It's just one of those things where you know it's just a film, but you still care so much for the characters and just can't believe your eyes when what happens to them, occurs right before your eyes. That's good filmmaking. That's real horror. And that is exactly what this film was... horrifying. However, I think the trailer park attack will go down in the history books, at least my history book, of being one of the most brutal, painstakingly difficult scenes to watch all throughout.


4. Mysterious Skin (2004)
-This is by far one of the most shocking, eye opening films I have ever seen. However, it is also an incredibly crafted film with tour de force performances by independent rebel, Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Thirteen's Brady Corbet. Gregg Araki wrote and directed this masterpiece based on Scott Helm's novel of the same name. Taking place in 1981 Kansas, a gay rebellious hustler, Neil McCormack (Gordon-Levitt), and a lonely teen, Brian Lackey (Corbet), obsessed with alien abductions cross paths, later discovering a groundbreaking truth together of how they are connected. When Neil was 8-years-old he was heavily involved in sexual relations with his pedophile baseball coach (played by Bill Sage), much to the oblivion of his neglectful mother. Meanwhile, Brian, also 8-years-old, wakes up from an amnesia of 4 hours due to a bleeding nose. Brian eventually grows up believing he was abducted by aliens and begins his obsession with the alien life form. Neil grows up to be a free spirited gay hustler throwing his life away in his small hometown without a shoulder to cry on. Brian locates Neil and the two reveal some dark secrets involving their inner demons. That the two might not be so different after all. The film is beautifully told and the script is amazing. However, this film is an extremely rough ride, even for me. When you find out the main story revolves around a gay hustler who had been molested by his baseball coach when he was 8-years-old... your in for an interesting 105 minutes. Thankfully, I believe that the brutal sequences shown in this film do not, by any means, derive from the story line. In other words, the violence and the child molesting subject matter are done in a rather artful sort of way and very crucial to the film. Clearly, this film is not for everyone and is really only out there for specific cinema buffs. I explain this story to people at my job and relatives and whatnot, and they immediately glare at me like I am some kind of sick, twisted monster for ever renting a film revolving around such a disturbing premise. And I keep saying, "if you actually watch the film all the way through and stop bitching and moaning about the subject matter, then you'll understand why I'm praising it." Now Gregg Araki has made a career out of "pushing the bar too high" sort of films, much to the work of Larry Clark. Bringing to the screen such disturbances as Nowhere, Totally F**ked Up and of course, his abnormal shock fest, The Doom Generation, where half the time you don't even know what your watching, but in a way... your still enjoying it. Which is quite sick, considering how grotesque this film can be. Anyway, if you are interested and willing to take a major risk on a film that is pure art, please put Mysterious Skin on your netflix. Like I said, the story alone is horrifying, but if you just give it a chance, you'll discover that THIS is true filmmaking. I remember in 2006, I went to a Q&A with Joseph Gordon-Levitt and the main film people kept coming back to was Mysterious Skin and his incredibly overlooked performance as Neil McCormack. It's a shame that this film did not get the recognition it deserves. Oh yeah, and by the way, if your not familiar with Gordon-Levitt or Corbet's previous or current work, then I'll just let you know that this film also contains Michelle Trachtenberg (Harriet the Spy) and Elisabeth Shue (Adventures in Babysitting, The Karate Kid), so... there ya go...

5. Bully (2001)

-Larry Clark (of course...) directed this "coming of age" in your face teen drama based on Jim Schutze's novel, The True Story of High School Revenge released in 1998, which is based on a horrific story that occurred in Fort Lauderdale, Florida in 1993. The film centers on our main character, Marty Puccio (played perfectly by the late Brad Renfro) who is a lovable loser with some anger issues and a demented girlfriend, Lisa Connelly (played by Rachel Miner). Marty has been "best friends" with Bobby Kent (Nick Stahl) for as long as he can remember. But also as long as he can remember, he has been verbally and physically tormented by Bobby. Marty finally strikes the breaking point once his girlfriend is thrown into the mix through rape by Bobby. Enough is enough. What proceeds is a very unorganized plan by a bunch of high school boneheads and a creepy hitman (a Clark veteran, Leo Fitzpatrick) to murder Bobby and get away with it. If you know the story, they did not get away with it. Marty Puccio was executed, some served life in prison, and others served up to 10-15 years. It's a very tragic story and I can see why Clark gravitated to it. However, the film's subject matter is extremely rough as is every Clark film, right? There's graphic rape, gay anal sex on television, rough sex in general, brutal violence, oral sex, full frontal nudity, fowl language, and just disgusting subject matter all throughout. But I think Clark was trying to grasp the style of these characters and I can't say he did a poor job. These are how kids talk, even back in 1993. One thing I'l give props to Clark is the realism he brings to the screen. He is extremely risky when it comes bringing a story to the screen, and sometimes he fails (Ken Park) and sometimes he succeeds (Kids). But I can't decide if he succeeded or failed with Bully. It's a very cautionary tale and should definitely be shown to the public and open their eyes of what is going on with teen society. But I also think he could have toned it down a bit. I still think Clark gets an erection everytime he's signed onto to another teenager story, cause he knows he'll be putting graphic full frontal sex in there between a guy and a girl... or two guys for that matter. Clark's an interesting fella. I don't know him personally, but he has always fascinated me ever since Kids. Not one of his films have been marketable. NOT ONE. Much like James Toback (however I prefer Toback way more than Clark). But he is not really trying to make interesting art either. Or is he? Maybe in his mind, sexual orgies and over the top realism, and graphic rapes, are art to him. I wish I could pick this man's brain for 5 hours. He just really interests me. Anyway, Bully should NOT be seen by everyone. It's an extremelty disturbing take on a story of teen revenge gone completely wrong. I have to say, the major stand outs in this film are Mr. Nick Stahl and Mr. Brad Renfro. If you look back at the actual photographs of Bobby Kent and Marty Puccio, they looked nothing like them. Bobby Kent was actually a real big guy. Very buff, much like a line backer. And Nick Stahl is just really skinny. Kind of ripped, but nonetheless. Very small. But they both bring so much to the table and ran away with these characters, that if anything, there the ones to watch.

6. Chaos (2005)

-Now first off let me let you all know, that this film is a total waste of time and a major piece of garbage. It has no respect for humanity whatsoever and in no means serves any purpose. In the opening of this film, there is a notice that fades in over black warning the viewer of this film's graphic nature and to protect people in the future who might fall under this exact type of crime. Never seen that before. David DeFalco wrote and directed this disgusting picture (and he should rightfully be shot for it) which revolves around two young girls, Emily and Angelica (played by Chantal Degroat and Maya Barovich) who go to a rave in the woods and of course, are looking to score some drugs. So they get pursuaded by some sketchy chubby loser (quite unconvincingly I might add) to come over to his isolated cabin, and once they get there, what happens? That's right. They get abducted by the loser's psychopathic escape convict brother, Chaos (Kevin Gage) and his two psychopath goons, Swan and Daisy (Sage Stallone, yup, that's right. Sly's brother. And Kelly K.C. Quann). And what proceeds is a night of torture, physical abuse, graphic rape, and eventually brutal deaths. This film is also a complete rip off of Wes Craven's 1972 revenge classic, The Last House on the Left, but once the killers come to the victim's parents house for shelter and the parents find out they killed their daughter, there is still barely any redemption. Yes, two of the psychos die, but the main one (who did all the murdering) gets off scot free and shoots the mother in the head with a rifle! I mean, come on! What is the goddamn point then? If there's no redemption or revenge against the bad guys then why the hell should we watch this? Is DeFalco trying to show us reality to the T put on screen or something? Cause if he is, that's a pretty twisted way of doing it. The tagline for this film is "The Most Brutal Movie Ever Made." And I definitely agree with them. But I think it should have been replaced with, "The Shittiest Movie Ever Made," ya know... just to save the people a few bucks. Let me just mention a couple of the deaths real quick to give you a taste. The first girl gets her nipple torn off from Chaos, he chews on it, then shoves it down her throat making her vomit all over the place. She is then stabbed repeatedly in the back and is then raped by Chaos and Swan. I mean, even I had to pause this scene for a little bit to take a breather and I have extreme high tolerance for this kind of stuff (pretty sick, hmm?). The girl's friend is later on tied up and Chaos rams his hunting knife up her... well... you get the point. No need in describing this massacre any further. This film has an awful script (could have been written by a horny mentally unstable 16-year-old) and horrible acting. And did I mention it's only like 74 minutes!? What the hell?! Now I have no problem with graphic disturbing nature in films, but as long as it's done tastefully and there's a point to all of it. The Last House on the Left, for example, was done very nicely. Yes, it had a rather long rape scene, but after that, it seemed like everything was done subtly and had a "less is more" nature to it. This film, on the other hand, just throws it in your face. All it is, is blood, nudity, rapes, more blood, more nudity, stupid dialogue, bad acting, pointless ending, and oh yeah, more blood. There was no point in why we need to see this film, so please, ladies and gents, do yourself a favor, DO NOT watch this film. Hey, I remember reading all the stories about this on imdb.com, and I was very intrigued so I got it on my netflix, but even if your into edgy stuff like this, still don't watch it. I saw this by myself in my little apartment and I painfully regret every ounce of that moment in my life. It has no respect for humanity, no respect for the audience. Chaos is just a 74 minute stupid shockfest that is trying to be something it's clearly not. It suffocates the audience forcing them to watch what is being shown on screen. Less is more, DeFalco! LESS IS MORE! We don't always need to see EVERYTHING! Let me ask you something, Mr. DeFalco. You think it's cool to show women getting beaten, raped, and then slaughtered in the most graphic ways? Huh? Do ya? Well, then your one sick puppy. Cause it really seemed like the director got off on making this waste of film. I'd rather watch Chaos with Jason Statham than this one (no connection by the way). Having said all that, this film is one of the most cringing, sickening disgraces to all who watch it. If I wanted to get a real taste of crime reality, I'd watch America's Most Wanted or read a damn book. Anything's better than this trash.

7. Irreversible (2003)

-Now when my friend first lent this film to me, I didn't know what to think. I had always been into Vincent Cassel's work, especially after seeing him in his terrifying performance in the horror film, Sheitan. And I always admired European cinema, considering how ruthless they can be and the lack of fear to take chances on a film. Well... after seeing this particular film, that whole outlook on European cinema was officially confirmed. WOW. I remember watching this film while my father was in his study doing paper work and I knew this was going to be somewhat of a disturbing flick, so I shut his door so he couldn't hear. Now the first 10-12 minutes, some dude gets his face bashed in to little itty bitty pieces by a fire hydrant! I couldn't believe how unbelievably graphic the scene was. And it was taking place at an extreme homosexual club called 'The Rectum,' panning over various shots of gay men fisting each other. So... right off the bat, I knew what I was getting myself into. Something for the books... that's for sure. Okay, so that scene wraps up and we dive into the bizarre style of filmmaking where the camera is tossing and turning all around the sky (almost to a sickening point), as we finally discover that we are being rewound to the previous chapter in this story. How we got to 'The Rectum!' We eventually find ourselves focusing on Monica Bellucci's character, Alex, who is Vincent Cassel's character, Marcus' girlfriend (love birds in real life by the way). She takes a detour into a tunnel to catch a specific train and dead in her tracks is some crazy man beating some girl. She tries to escape, but he immediately grabs her and holds her against the wall with his knife. He eventually throws her on the ground, flips her over, rips her skirt off, and begins to anally rape her. Now this scene has got to be one of the, if not, THE most shocking scenes you have ever seen on screen. I mean, this film was the most walked out film at the Cannes Film Festival! And I thought the French could handle anything! This scene is somewhat nesecary to show, considering how crucial it is to the storyline, however, what director, Gasper Noe does so painfully is he keeps a wide shot on the rape for about 10 whole minutes. I actually had to stop the film once to catch my breath, because I just couldn't believe what I was viewing. My father had stopped what he was doing and stepped out of his office, cause of the sounds Bellucci was making. It was just an extremely horrifying sequence. One, unfortunately, not to forget. And just the words, alone, that the rapist was spilling out to her as he was raping her spell out DISGUST. I had never, in my life, seen a scene quite like that, nor hear dialogue quite like that. And I thought I witnessed everything there was to witness in films. Guess I was wrong. DEAD WRONG. Oh wait, what does he do after he rapes her? He beats her to death! I mean, come on! Do we really need to see all this happening?! And I really dug the style that Noe chose to make this film in reverse. However, it is difficult for us viewers to continue with the film, because the actual revenge that Cassel gets on the killer rapist happens in the beginning! Before the actual brutal attack! Now why are we still watching this? Because frankly. nothing else really occurs after this infamous scene. I take my hats off to Mrs. Bellucci considering she undertook this scene in several takes. The film, however, is quite fascinating to watch, but bring a paper bag if you get motion sickness, because the spinning gaps in between time periods to establish the flashback become a little daunting after a while.

8. American Psycho (2000)

-Mary Harron directed this masterpiece cult classic, based on a Bret Easton Ellis novel (Less Than Zero, The Informers). Christian Bale stars as yuppie wall street broker, Patrick Bateman, who has it all. A gorgeous fancy apartment, great job, great women, and a lot of money. Oh yeah, did I mention he's a psychopathic killer? Did I...? Did I forget, or...? Okay, well HE IS! Or is he...? What ensues is a string of gruesome murders as he continues to cover them up, and is frequently followed by a private detective, Det. Donald Kimball (played beautifully by Willem Dafoe). Christian Bale is absolutely perfect for the part of Patrick Bateman and the way he physically transformed himself was a major plus. I personally think this is his best performance of all time... so far. Now when your watching this film, you can't really believe what your watching half the time. Whether it's the graphic threesome with the escorts, or the brutal hacking of Paul Allen (Jared Leto). This one is one for the history books. Some may call it a horror film, others might call it a thriller. I myself, could consider it a piece of film noir with a criminal drama undertone. The story is absolutely fascinating and is told so uniquely. Better than most shitty serial killer films nowadays. Can you believe they also made a straight-to-dvd sequel of this in 2002 called American Psycho II: All American Girl with wait, get this... That 70s Show's Mila Kunis in the starring role! And William Shatner as her professor! Now I know the original was in some ways a dark comedy, but come on! This is a fucken 'Funny or Die' sketch if you ask me! This is not the kind of film that should have a sequel. It's not a stupid slasher flick. It's a well crafted, intelligent character study of the human psychosis with a fascinating twist. Much in the theme of The Silence of the Lambs. Anyway, so I consider this film one of the most disturbing because it really does show us subject matter we have not seen before, well in this generation I guess. It's an extremely risky film and received no marketing whatsoever. And as well it shouldn't have. One scene that sticks out to him (aside from the graphic orgy) is the scene where one of the original escorts from the orgy returns to his apartment to have another go around with Bateman. He then finally makes his move. He chases her all throughout his apartment bare naked with blood all over his body, swinging a chainsaw! She keeps on running into the wrong rooms trying to find the exit. What she keeps finding are mutilated dead bodies. She finally exits, and what does Bateman do? He actually bolts out of his apartment and proceeds to chase her through the hallway of the building with no care in the world if anyone sees. She finds the spiral staircase and proceeds to run down them. Bateman stares down with his chainsaw trying to make his mark, finally does, drops the chainsaw and it nails her dead on, killing her instantly. This might not sound gruesome on the page, but trust me. Watching it on the screen. Everything spells out disturbing. After all the outstanding performances on his resume, I think Bale gives the performance of his career with American Psycho. Did I mention that practically all women were behind the making of this production?! Now that's pretty cool if you ask me.

9. Anti-Christ (2009)

-Lars von Trier (Dogville) wrote and directed this cautionary tale of a grieving couple, labeled as just He and She (Willem Dafoe and Charlotte Gainsbourg), who retreat to their isolated cabin in the woods to repair their broken and failing marriage. However, things start to get a bit rough around the edges... Yes, this film contains plenty of disturbing gore and sex, but it is also a beautifully structured film, and it's a shame that critics panned it because of the violent matter. If you really look beyond that (even though it can be tough at times...), you will realize that this film is a work of art. In some cases, it makes Quentin Tarantino look mainstream. I, frankly, am getting sick and tired of these constantly predictable American flicks with the same bullshit stories. Nothing ever changes! Everyone is worried about the profit there all going to make. No one worries about pushing the envelope a little, or a lot even. Nobody dares to take a risk. Thankfully we still have brilliant filmmakers like Lars von Trier. Now I am not saying this is a perfect film by any means. Honestly the cinematography is most likely the most brilliant aspect of this production. Flawless camera work by Anthony Dod Mantle. The story is pretty weak at points and the disturbing content does, at times, derive from the story. To a point where it's just being disturbing for the sake of it. And this will definitely show you things that you have not seen before, even when you think you've seen everything (i.e. a vagina spreading open???). I mean, even Willem Dafoe, who I think is one of the most edgiest actors of his generation, hesitated before signing on for this film! That's pretty extreme if you ask me. When the man who is acted in such films as Shadow of the Vampire, American Psycho and The Boondock Saints hesitates about signing on for something like Anti-Christ... you know this film is going to be a bit of a shocker. And shock you it does. Not the best film or the worst film of 2009, but definitely a piece of art... no matter how disturbing it can be at times. I mean, two actors, a man and a woman??? So many possibilities. I'd be interested on how this would look on stage.

10. Teeth (2007)

-Michael Lichtenstein wrote and directed this dark horror/comedy low blow to men all over. This delightfully unique tale revolves around a high school virgin named Dawn O'Keefe (played by Jess Weixler) who discovers she has quite the physical advantage "down under" when she becomes the target for overly horny high schoolers. If it were up to me, I'd change this title and go from Teeth to Chompers, because honestly, teeth is an understatement for what this girl does to these guys'... well... you know... By the way, if ya'll haven't guessed yet on where the "teeth" are located... there inside Dawn's vagina. Oh yes. Her vagina has monstrous teeth that will rip you to shreds. Or... just one organ of yours. This film definitely did for men and sex what Psycho did for showers, or what Jaws did for water. Now I wouldn't consider this an excellent film by any stretch of the imagination. However, it definitely combined the perfect blend of dark comedy and disturbing unique horror. A cult classic if you will. Something I could possibly see Roger Corman direct if he were 30 years younger. Actually, when I was in Sundance in 2009, my uncle Steve told me a story about how he was having breakfast in this little diner that contained several gay waiters. So my uncle Steve was discussing this particular film, Teeth, to his buddies, right? And I guess one of the gay waiters overheard his conversation, charged right up to them, and said with such pride, "That is exactly why we DON'T DO VAGINAS!" And went right back into the kitchen. Now that's a hell of a story. This film surely had a fantastic and original idea that can be both terrifying as well as down right hilarious and also be an eye opener to rapists all over, but I feel like it didn't quite do it justice. In other words, it could have been a hell of a lot better. It flowed very unevenly and honestly, most of the performances were pretty dull. With the exception of John Hensley, who plays Brad, Dawn's step-brother, who continuously tries to take her virginity. Other than him, everyone else doesn't really bring much to the table. I found myself just waiting for the next brutal attack, instead of focusing on the story at hand. One amazing stand out scene for me is her first attack on a young man in a cave who tries to rape her. She, or I should say, It, tears it off and the next day we find the severed penis being gnawed on by a couple of crabs. I'M SERIOUS, PEOPLE! Pretty grotesque if you ask me. But the film really does fall flat and you find yourself about 45 minutes in, waiting for it to end to be honest. Not the best horror/comedy or the worst horror/comedy. Just a horror/comedy with a fantastic original premise, but unfortunately was not done the best it could have been. However, I assure you, this film is %100 pro-women and %500 anti-men, so... men... think twice before you get a little rough with the lady.

Well, that's my top ten for this past decade. Please let me know what you think if you read this! Feel free to recommend any other disturbing films of this past decade, or hell, of any decade! There's just too many to list (Cannibal Holocaust, anyone???).

Sincerely,

FILMBOY - Chris von Hoffmann

ENTRY QUOTE:

"I never act. I simply bring out the animal inside me." - Willem Defoe

WORST OF THE LAST DECADE

This past decade, there have been dozens of films that you have watched and seriously, I'm not even kidding, wanted to tear out your eyes with a fork and beg the film to end (too extreme?). Well I know I've had that feeling! I have reviewed all of the films that I have seen in the past decade and man! was it difficult to narrow them down to only ten (one disaster for each year)! It was a tough ride, but... I think I'm pretty happy with it. Please feel free to agree, disagree, or suggest some other pieces of garbage! Here we go...



WORST OF THE WORST:


1. Welcome to Mooseport (2004)
-Now this choice may upset some, because I know most, would probably right away think of the disaster, Jersey Girl, with the ever so untalented Ben Affleck and Liv Tyler. That was going to my choice for 2004, but then suddenly this film hit me! I remember accidentally seeing this with my friends at the cinema in New Jersey. We were supposed to see something else, but it was sold out (must have been Taxi with Queen Latifah...), so instead we saw this. I actually had to force one of my friends to watch it. I mean, this cinema was really out of our way, so we were going to see a film no matter what and I assure you, nothing else was playing. So we saw this interesting little picture... and boy, was that the most painful 110 minutes of our lives, however I do remember one kid with his mother sitting behind us who seem to be laughing at pretty much every mindless joke in the film, (he was like 17 by the way) so at least it didn't make the WHOLE audience cringe. Now Gene Hackman is one of my absolutete favorite actors. I think he's brilliant. I've seen in almost everything. All the way from Scarecrow with Pacino to The Birdcage with Williams. An acting legend but was also a very old man when he played the part of Monroe Cole in Mooseport. And Hackman decided to retire immediately after the wrapping and make this piece of garbage his final film. He was 73 years old. That sure made me sad, but he's still one of my heroes no matter what. Now lets talk about Ray Ramano real quick. I have hated this man ever since his stupid show, Everybody Loves Raymond. His voice, his face, his body, even his ears! Can't stand him. And then of course, what do they do to a Queens born stand up comedian who became a semi-successful low budget TBS (very funny...) sitcom actor? THEY GIVE THEM LEADS IN SHITTY MOVIES! Of course! Or straight to DVD shlockfests (i.e. Grilled with a fellow low budget 'com actor, Kevin James). Now just to let you know, Ramano plays the local handy man (appropriately named Handy Harrison. Awe, how cute!) who is the local candidate running for Mayor in his small tiny town. But of course things get complicated, when US president (played by Hackman), decides to retire and move to his hometown of Mooseport, Maine (also Handy's town!) and runs for mayor as well against Handy! Uh oh! Plot point number one! Well not only is this film beyond predictable, the writing is horrendous, and unfortunately some other terrific actors got sucked into this as well (Marcia Gay Harden, Rip Torn, Maura Tierney), but hey, when Fred Savage arrives on screen, all your worries go out the window. Oh yeah, and my last note is the director behind this mess. Mr. Donald Petrie, himself. I have been watching this guys films for a while now (and I still don't know why...), and his only good film was the delightful 1993 classic, Grumpy Old Men. Out of 15 films!!! He represents everything that is unholy and wrong with filmmaking. For those of who you don't know him, he has shown us such classics as Just My Luck, Miss Congeniality, My Life in Ruins. For Christ sake, he even directed the TV remake of Turner & Hooch!!! He wasn't even good enough to direct the original with Tom Hanks. I mean, who does that!? That's like a soap opera style remake mini-series of Planes, Trains & Automobiles! Well, sorry this review turned more into an essay, but that just shows you out outraged I am at this whole film. From the director to Gene Hackman being sucked into this. However, we ALL love you Gene Hackman, and we ALWAYS will (even if when your 80, you decide to do Welcome to Mooseport 2: Back in Business... haha... please, Gene... please... please don't...).

2. Garden Party (2008)
-Now my friend had recommended me this film a few weeks ago and I read about it, and the story sounded sort of interesting. I always get a kick out of stories about kids trying to "make it" in the entertainment business, cause that's exactly what I'm trying to do. So naturally I can relate. I decided to watch this film on netflix.com (that's not always a great sign when a straight to DVD film is also on INSTANT WATCH on netflix.com). Now I didn't know much about writer/director Jason Freeland, but I did know that he had only wrote and directed one other film that was like 10 years ago based on a James Ellroy novel (man behind L.A. Confidential). It starred Michael Rooker, who I like a great deal, but also had Will Sasso from MadTV, so... I didn't know where to direct my thinking. But anyway, I watched Party one night and the writing was so lazy and horrible, I felt like he was just writing as he was "thinking." You know? Like he didn't do any brainstorming before hand or any pre-script planning. Like he was just winging it? It seemed like this script went through maybe a second draft at best, but I wouldn't be surprised if as soon as he finished his rough draft they green lit the project and were ready to film. Now the cast is somewhat reasonable consisting of Two Lovers' Vinessa Shaw as an unconvincing hard as nails real estate agent, or so that's what it said on her character breakdown. Brian De Palma's very young step-daughter, Willa Holland, plays a 15 year old girl trying to make it as a model, but is forced into doing not so dignified things. And the rest of the cast kind of falls flat. Those are really the only two that were reasonable, I guess. Willa Holland probably making the most of this horrifying screenplay. All the little subplots are so contrived and if I heard that wannabe boy band singer (played annoyingly by Erik Smith) sing the title song, 'Garden Party' one more time, I would have ripped my ears off with a kitchen knife. I'm sure the soundtrack is a blast... Once this filmed ended, I had no idea what I just saw (not like a David Lynch film feeling by the way), because it was just so terribly structured that I had no idea why I should have cared for any of these idiot characters. There was no climax, no nothing. It's very hard for an inexperienced filmmaker to tackle a multi character piece and make it work. Only few can do that (i.e. P.T. Anderson). What's even worse, is that they are almost jamming this film down your throat. Not only is it on instant watch on netflix.com, but it's also on imdb.com, youtube, etc. WHATEVER YOU DO, STAY AWAY FROM GARDEN PARTY! Think of this as an R-rated Disney film, if that makes any sense. I swear, when I finished watching this, I felt like I lost a few brain cells. This film is a MUSN'T see.

3. Alpha Dog (2006)
-Oh Nick Cassavetes... good ole Nick Cassavetes... it's a shame you gave up acting in 2001, cause... your filmmaking is truly not your strong point. Now I love films about kids growing up and whatnot (Kids, Jack the Bear), but this film had way too many stars and the actors playing the real people looked absolutely nothing like them. I didn't buy any of their acting for a second. The acting and the writing is so awful that it almost turns into a slapstick comedy. Especially at the end when Sharon Stone is in the fat suit being interviewed about her son's death (can somebody say Razzie...???). I mean, the dialogue was so fake and pathetic. It seemed like all the actors (especially Justin Timberlake) were trying to impress the audience that was watching them with their cool thugged out style of acting so that they would get laid when this film came out. I'm surprised they weren't breaking the fourth wall for crying out loud! I've always been a huge fan of Emile Hirsch and I definitely think he's growing as an actor, and you can't blame him for choosing this film, because films based on true crime stories are always intriguing at first. But I really hope his agent just threw him into it without having him read the script, cause the script right off the bat, makes you puke with it's dialogue. Justin Timberlake?!? Are you kidding me?! I don't think Nick's late father, John Cassavetes, would be too thrilled about this. I mean, every performance was so over the top (shout out to Ben Foster...) that it's almost like one giant cartoon. I'm surprised there hasn't been any comedies that have spoofed this (like Not Another Non-Stop Cursing Wigger Teen Movie), maybe cause it's a slapstick comedy itself. And for those of you who have seen this film, do you remember the scene when Justin Timberlake is alone with Anton Yelchin and gives him the opportunity to get on a bus and escape, but Yelchin actually REFUSES?!? I think these were his words, "I just don't wanna create any more problems for my brother, you know? So I think I'm just gonna wait it out a little more..." WHO RAISED THIS FUCKING KID?! CHIMPANZEES?! He's clearly creating MORE problems for his psycho brother by remaining kidnapped! I would be all over that bus like Rosie O'Donnell on a cupcake! This IS after they tied Anton Yelchin's character up and put duct tape over his mouth, so... you would think that he would have some common sense and do the right thing, but... then there wouldn't be much of a conflict, right? WRONG! They should have ended the film right then and there and save us the next 45 minutes. And Ben Foster? I don't think doing a whole line of coke before you walk on set is helpful to your performance. Try real acting once in a while instead of just popping your veins out of your skull and screaming really loudly. Cause your not fooling anyone. I think the best part of this film was probably the opening credits with the clips of the actors when they were kids, but from then on it was downhill. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. I love how Nick Cassevetes followed this with My Sisters Keeper. If you watch Alpha Dog first, I think you'd find that funny.

4. Pearl Harbor (2001)
-Good grief, where to begin. Stars, stars and more stars. Effects, effects, and more effects. Directing, directing and more dir-- wait, that's right, there WAS no directing. My mistake. Acting, acting and more act-- wait, that's right, the acting was TERRIBLE! Hey at least we have a good script, right--? NOPE! Script is awful too. Everything about this film is atrocious. The budget was absolutely insane and seemed like all the money went into the effects and locations and CGI, which was important for a caliber film like this. But Michael Bay, be in mind, this ain't another goddamn Armageddon film your making! This is one of the biggest wars in history. I mean it's like he didn't even try to make a good structured film! He just treated it like another one of his crappy Hollywood blockbusters. Now James Cameron managed to make an extremely special effect driven Hollywood film, Titanic, but still tell the story beautifully and made it as authentic and best he could. And the acting was impeccable. So tell us Michael Bay, why the hell couldn't you have done the same with Pearl Harbor?! If the veterans had seen this film I think they would have killed Bay with their bare hands. I can't believe I actually watched this whole film in one sitting. Be in mind, it's hard for me to sit through a film that's longer than 2 1/2 hours, but usually I manage, but this picture clocks in a little over 3 hours and it's god awful!!! Now that's dedication. Michael Bay was clearly the wrong (and probably the worst) choice to direct this film. It should have gone to someone like Oliver Stone, Scorsese, or even Spielberg. Bay pretty much made a mockery out of the attack and focused more on the stupid love triangle of Hartnett, Affleck and the ever so irritating Mrs. Kate Beckinsale. When the hell did they have a chance to squeeze a love story in the midst of all this turmoil?! I mean, come on! That's like slapping the audience in the face. And why the hell do Michael Bay (and Kevin Smith as well) love Ben Affleck so much? There's nothing good about who he is or what he does. He is one of the, if not THE, worst actor of our generation. He brings nothing to the table. NOTHING. He's a pretty face and nothing more. Please, I warn you, whatever you do... DO NOT watch this film. It's not even a film, it's a Hollywood schlocky cheesy stupid MOVIE. Michael Bay, you aggitate us more and more with your special effect driven, though absolutely no acting or story, Hollywood blockbusters. I don't even think he knows what a good story is. He's so caught up in special effects and crazy gunfire and explosions, that he should be a goddamn special effects technician, not the man behind the camera! He doesn't even know what directing is! With our luck, 10 years from now, he'll be using robots for the actors, instead of humans, and you know what...? I don't think he'll even notice the difference. Bay's done so many horrendous epics, but this film goes down in the history books as his ultimate flop. The film itself is a bigger disaster than the actual attack.

5. Fanboys (2009)
-I recently ordered this film on my ON DEMAND a few months ago (worst $4.99 I ever spent), because I remember seeing the trailer right before Zack and Miri and I thought it looked hilarious (THOUGHT being the key word here...). I liked the trailer and how at the end of it, they were listing all the random known comedy actors that were in it, and labeling them, not as their actual name, but like "That guy from such and such...!" I thought that was clever... and then I saw the fucken thing. AND BOY WAS I WRONG. This film is such an unfocused train wreck and tries so hard to be like an Apatow or McKay film that it forgets about the main picture. The story revolves around a few childhood friends who are also die-hard Star Wars fans who travel to Skywalker Ranch to steal an early copy of The Phantom Menace. So of course the majority of the film is a whole cheesy "trying to be funny" road trip adventure ride where they meet a bunch of bubbly characters along the way. The actors whose heads I really wanted to tear off were Sam Huntington and Chris Marquette. I mean, after all this slapstick bullshit, you think you can really lay some sentimental moments between the two (cause Marquette's character is dying of cancer)?! I mean, either this is a slapstick stupid comedy or an episode of E.R. Which is it? TELL ME! After seeing Huntington in a hysterical performance in the cult classic, Not Another Teen Movie, I had high hopes for the kid, but this film was just garbage. Do you understand how amazing this film could have been?! DO YOU?! It's a fun little story and everyone loves movies that spoof and/or reference Star Wars and George Lucas! Oh yeah, and also the whole "platonic" friendship between Jay Baruchel and Kristen Bell that ends up becoming something more??? I love how her character is supposed to be this nerdy egghead movie geek whose considered "one of the guys..." yeah, sure... I'll buy that....ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! Have you seen Forgetting Sarah Marshall (well, don't by the way, cause it's terrible)?! Bell is insanely gorgeous in that film! Perfection to the T. Perfect body, teeth, face, everything. And were supposed to buy her as a geeky nerd who none of the other guys find attractive? What, is it because her character has brown hair instead of blonde? That's it, isn't it. What is this? She's All That?! Good God. If I had all the thumbs in the world I would put them DOWN for this schlock fest. Oh yeah, and one other thing concerning the director, Mr. Kyle Newman (brother of Simpsons and Futurama designer, Kevin Newman). I mean, you can't blame him for making such a shitty film, because he is married to the gorgeous model/actress Jaime King (Goldie from Sin City), so... maybe he was just always eager to get home and make love to her, that he was never focused when actually shooting.

6. Four Brothers (2005)
-Now John Singleton clearly has not had a well crafted film since Baby Boy in 2001, and Four Brothers is absolutely no exception. I sort of had high hopes and I heard stories about how Ethan Hawke loved the script, but had to turn it down. And some of the other supporting actors I am a big fan of (Terrence Howard, Chiwetel Ejifor), but unfortunately the actors who soak up the screen are all terrible. The whole premise in a nutshell, is that Marky Mark, Hedlund, Tyrese, and Andre 3000 are all brothers (makes sense right?) and they are out to investigate and eventually avenge the death of their elderly mother. Now I love revenge films, but the acting in this was so terrible and this was so far fetched that you can't help but laugh your ass off. There are a couple of sequences where the brothers' mother's ghost dissolves into the screen and they start chatting with her ghost. For example, I remember it vividly when it happens when they are all having Thanksgiving dinner, and her ghost appears at the dinner table and starts giving them manner tips. I was crying I was laughing so hard, and of course the actors are trying to be so serious and dramatic. I mean, when they were watching the dailies and they were cutting this film together, did Singleton and the producers actually think that was going to effect the audience emotionally? I mean, come on. How could Singleton go from a heartwrenching film like Boyz N the Hood to this piece of garbage?! If you've seen it, do you remember the climactic scene where there having the final battle on the ice pond, but Marky Mark is nowhere to be seen. But then out of LITERALLY NOWHERE, he pops up and starts thuggishly walking towards the bad guys to save the day. I mean, for Christ sake! That has got to be one of the corniest lamest scenes in cinema history!!! I, myself, have spoken to people who consider this film to be one of their favorites. Needless to say, there not very bright. And isn't it kind of funny that three out of the four of the brothers are rappers turned actors? What the hell is Andre 3000 doing in this? You think we can really take him seriously after Be Cool? COME ON! This flop is for dumb jocks and nothing more.

7. Teenage Caveman (2002)
-Now I know this is considered a TV movie (actually part of the 'Creature Features'), but nonetheless, this is still one of the biggest pieces of trash I have ever laid eyes on. This is somewhat of a remake to Roger Corman's B-rate 1958 film also entitled, Teenage Cave Man, only this time it also includes young underrage teenagers having sex with each other. Larry Clark has disturbed us for the past 15 years (starting with 1995's Kids), but for some reason when 2002 came around he wanted to make a science fiction horror film with a few of the lamest, most talentless actors in the world. I guess, because no one else would take part in it. Even Ben Affleck probably wouldn't even do this (Well, actually, he might as long as they paid him his quote)! This film, of course dealing with teens (Clark's favorite type of genre) who, after being tested as guinea pigs for some experimental testing of a virus, can live forever in a post apocalyptic world. And they encounter a bunch of bizarre characters throughout. 7th Heaven's Andrew Keegan plays our protagonist, David, and another Clark favorite, Tiffany Limos also co-stars as Judith. You know what? I can't even discuss this film any further, because it is what it is. A horrible, horrible, shit box. Here, check out the trailer yourself and see if you agree with me. Seriously, check it out. You will not stop laughing. http://uk.imdb.com/video/screenplay/vi3653173529/

8. Georgia Rule (2007)
-Now it's a shame that this film made it to my list, because it really shouldn't have. Considering the fact that great actresses like Jane Fonda and Felicity Huffman were in the lead roles, but unfortunately there was a third addition to the 'lead role' category. That would be little miss Lindsay Lohan who practically destroyed this film with her acting, and apparently, according to William H. Macy, and the producers of the film, was a pain in the ass to work with on and off camera. Listen up Lindsay, you can't go out every night, party like crazy, drink as much as you want, chain smoke as much as you want, sleep with whom ever you want, and still think your going to give an excellent performance in a film such as Georgia Rule. Now, granted, Garry Marshall is also not the greatest director in the world, so every time you hear of a new Marshall film coming out you get nervous (i.e. Valentine's Day...), but nonetheless, he's still a respectable man. The guy's worked with Al Pacino for crying out loud! It's very difficult for one not so talented actor (or actress in this case) surrounded by VERY talented actors to destroy an entire film, but congratulations, Lindsay! YOU SUCCEEDED! Good for you! See... that binge drinking and anorexia and chain smoking takes it's toll on your career little lady. All right, enough of my cutesy putesy talk. THIS FILM SUCKED.

9. Battlefield Earth (2000)
-"Prepare for Battle," was this film's poster tagline when it was released in May 2000. I believe they were referring to the battle that all the actors were going to have to fight to save their houses from foreclosure. I remember hearing just awful things about this film when it first came out, so I ended up watching it on TNT or something when it was finally on television. And the public couldn't have been more right. This film is based on an L. Ron Hubbard novel revolving around humanity fighting back against an alien race in the year 3000 after they are almost exterminated. WOW. That's deep. Like most film adaptations, I'm sure the novel is 3000 times better. I have never been a big fan of science fiction films, but after watching this film, it almost made me want to give up on science fiction films all together. This film sweeped up every Razzie nomination for Christ sake, so what does that tell you?! Forest Whitaker actually expressed his regret for being in this film. When does that ever happen? This film makes no sense, the costumes are ridiculous, the characters sound retarded, and the writing is pathetic. Does that tell you something? This mess ranks right up there along with Batman & Robin and Ghost Dad. Yes... it's that bad.

10. Daredevil (2003)
-I know you'd probably disagree with me and immediately go for Gigli, but... I actually have only seen Pacino's small cameo and have not have the pleasure of watching the whole painful film itself. But I have seen the whole thing of this terrifying picture (terrifying, not meaning scary by the way). So I guess this film is where Ben Affleck and big eared Jennifer Garner met right? Awe, how cute. Hollywood romance. Bullshit. This film, I'm sure, made a lot of comic book nerds cringe, but I, myself, am not a comic book nerd, but I do know a good film when I see one. And this film is practically unbearable. I seriously think this it's the only superhero film of this past decade that didn't even get a videogame made of it! I mean, come on, really? If your a big superhero film with a bunch of movie stars and a big budget, and you DON'T get a videogame made of it, then... I'm sorry to say, but... something ain't right. First off, lets discuss Jennifer Garner real briefly (because she's not really worth discussing in the first place). She has the worst speech in actress history and doesn't even have that movie star charisma. She was so painful to watch in this film and I actually CAN believe Affleck fell in love with her because it takes a bad actor to know a bad actor, right? And Colin Farrell as the bad guy? COME ON! This guy doesn't have a talented bone in his body. If you wanted a real actor to play Bullseye, get Edward Norton or something, don't choose this Irish hack. And as far as Ben Affleck goes...? Seriously man, what the hell are you doing with your career? Honestly. You already had another WORST film in my list. I mean, it's like ever since Good Will Hunting's critical success, he got super cocky and started doing whatever script came his way. I have come to the theory that Mr. Affleck DOES NOT KNOW HOW TO READ. Thank God at least one half of the Affleck/Damon duo has a good head on his shoulders, well... sort of (i'll let Stuck on You slide, Mr. Damon...). Oh yeah, and be sure to check out the follow up to this film. The spin off with Jennifer Garner's character Elektra fighting off assassins! Yippy, Horayy!!! I actually think Elektra flopped harder than Daredevil. God have Mercy on the sucker who decides to make a Bullseye spin off...



Well, that's my top ten for the past decade. Hope you weren't outraged at some, or even all of my choices. Please feel free to comment and look for more entries (i.e. MOST DISTURBING coming up soon...)! Thank you for reading and hope you continue.


Sincerely,
FILMBOY - Chris von Hoffmann


ENTRY QUOTE:

"Acting is half shame, half glory. Shame at exhibiting yourself, glory when you can forget yourself." - John Gielgud

BEST OF THE LAST DECADE

This past decade, there have been dozens of films that you watched and couldn't stop drooling over it for the next month or even more! I have reviewed all of the films that I have seen in the past decade and have narrowed them to my top ten favorites (one for each year). Please feel free to agree, disagree, or suggest some other greats! Here we go...



BEST OF THE BEST:


1. Sideways (2004)
-Alexander Payne wrote and directed this beautiful story of two friends, Jack, a smooth talking, wealthy, sex driven television/commercial actor, and Miles, a lonely, depressed, English teaching, novel writing, wine aficionado, taking a mini vacation into wine country for Jack's last hurrahh before he gets married to his Armenian fiancee. Payne won an Academy Award for best original screenplay in 2005. And Thomas Hayden Church and Virginia Madsen were also nominated for their acting. Payne, I feel to this day, still remains as one of the most underrated filmmakers and is constantly being overshadowed by Noah Baumbach and of course, Mr. Wes Anderson. Every exterior frame could easily be a magnificent photograph. Paul Giamatti, who I feel was greatly overlooked for his incredible performance, brought so much truth and pain to Miles, that we can't help but root for his character once he finally decides to change his life around at the very end. This is a gorgeous picture, and you don't have to be in love with wine to appreciate it.

2. Battle Royale (2000)
-Kinji Fukasaku directed this Japanese masterpiece, taking place in the future, where a Japanese Goverment captures a class of 9th grade students and forces them to kill each other once they are placed on an enormous island. The game they play is called "Battle Royale." Now, this film is not just about a bunch of crazy kids offing each other to save their own life. Granted, that's a large element of the story, but the main message, in my opinion, is how society is getting over populated and it makes people do not so wise things. This is a foreign film that was not even nominated for the Academy Awards, which shows you how twisted the awards are to begin with. Now, don't get me wrong, Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon was a wonderful film, but Royale should have taken home the gold for 'Best Foreign.' Be in mind, there is a sequel to this film that came out in 2003, that Kinji and his son, Kenta BOTH directed (Kenta wrote the original). This film is somewhat entertaining, but is no where near the same caliber as the original. This film did not need a sequel and DOES NOT (listen up studio executives...) NEED A GODDAMN REMAKE!!! If you check up on imdb.com, there is a planned americanized remake of Battle Royale set for release in 2011, but I don't even think it has been green lit yet, because you can only find thorough information on imdbpro.com. SO IT'S NOT TOO LATE! With my luck, they'll probably cast Zac Efron and Megan Fox (both horrendous) in the roles of Shuya and Noriko. Let us pray now...

3. Milk (2008)
-WHY DIDN'T THIS FILM WIN BEST PICTURE FOR 2008?!?!? GOOD GOD, PLEASE SOMEONE TELL ME!!!!! Okay, I agree with everyone that Sean Penn's performance as American gay activist Harvey Milk is fantastic and extremely heartfelt, but come on, Rourke was robbed for The Wrestler and that's final. But Milk was way more about the whole outlook message and the entire film itself. Slumdog Millionaire was very hopeful and uplifting, but also extremely far fetched, and more of a fun entertaining cult classic. Milk, for those of you who don't know, is the story of Harvey Milk, who fought and struggled for gay rights, and became California's first openly gay elected official. He was eventually assassinated by his fellow supervisor, Dan White (played by Josh Brolin in the film) in 1978 in San Francisco. Gus Van Sant has wowed us, disturbed us, and annoyed us even (i.e. 1998 remake of Psycho anyone...?). He has led us through almost three decades of hits and misses, but mainly hits. Milk is a masterpiece, and it's a shame that gritty controversial independent films like this gem, get overlooked when it comes to the winner for best picture. In my eyes, Milk is up there with Good Will Hunting and Elephant (both Van Sant's). This is stored in as one of his all time greatest films, and even though, I barely mentioned the acting, other than Penn, but the ensemble is outstanding (from Josh Brolin to Victor Garber. Youngens like Emile Hirsch, Allison Pill and Joseph Cross). Milk will definitely be remembered decades from now as something truly special.

4. A Guide to Recognizing your Saints (2006)
-At this point I was absolutely getting sick and tired of these coming of age stories that either take place in a small suburban town (Suburbia), ghetto neighborhoods (Menace II Society), or summer of nineteen-fifty something... (The Man in the Moon). Now, don't get me wrong, I love all these films, but by 2006, maybe a little before that, I was wanting something different that hasn't been done before. Then I heard about Saints. I am not a big fan of Shia Labeouf, but I loved how it was directed by the man who Shia's character is based on (Dito Montiel), so you know it's going to be as real as possible, despite the starstudded cast (Robert Downey, Jr., Chazz Palmienteri, Dianne Wiest, Channing Tatum, Rosario Dawson, etc.). All good, by the way. I ended up reading the book and I absolutely fell in love with it, and I immediately rented this film and became obsessed with it for quite a while. Shia impressed me (thought having read the book, I think he was extremely miscast and looked nothing like the real Dito, but hey, he was fine). This film is as gritty as gritty gets and breaks all the rules of filmmaking. Dito Montiel even won the 'Best Director' award at the Sundance Film Festival for this picture. The book, be in mind, contains a ton of crazy things that happened to Dito, that is not in the film, but it still squeezes in as much as it could in 100 minutes and I applaud it for that. I loved this film from the very first frame, when Dito (played by Shia), has his head down, and then lifts it up to face the camera, breaking the fourth wall, and says, "My name's Dito... and I'm gonna leave everyone in this film." It may not sound groundbreaking reading this description, but once you see it on screen, it comes at you like a grenade and you immediately know what kind of film your in for. This is also the film that made me discover Mr. Channing Tatum, who I thought was fantastic and definitely held his own opposite Dianne Wiest and Chazz Palmienteri. I really don't think Tatum will ever have another performance as perfect as Dito's best friend, Antonio. Oh yeah, and look out for Adam Scarimbolo! First off, he plays the role of Guiseppe, Antonio's younger brother. This kid has a very raw intense talent and I hope to see more of him in the future (check him out in another coming of age film, Lymelife!).

5. Brotherhood of the Wolf (2002)
-I never thought that I, in my thinking, was going to put a horror/adventure film into my 'best of the best' list of the past decade, but this picture is an exception. For those of you who don't know, Brotherhood is a French film that takes place in a remote village in 18th century France where the Chevalier De Fronsac and his native American friend Mani are sent by the King to investigate the killings by a mysterious beast. I remember seeing this film for the first time in New York at the Ziegfeld Theatre when I was 14. I was absolutely blown away by this incredible monster movie that was also a beautiful work of art. Strange combination. Well, I guess, only Europe can take such a risk and succeed impeccably. Now unfortunately French director, Christophe Gans, followed this five years later with the box office flop Silent Hill, but truth be told, Brotherhood, to me, was like The Godfather of monster movies, and if Coppola could follow that with Gardens of Stone, than Gans can definitely get away with Silent Hill. Vincent Cassel and Monica Belucci are flawless in their performances. Several times, I forgot to get scared during the attack scenes, because I was too mesmorized by the photography. If Kubrick decided to make a monster movie in his career it would look a little something like this.

6. Into the Wild (2007)
-I have three words. ROBBED. ROBBED. ROBBED. Now, not only is Sean Penn a tremendous actor, but he is also a talented filmmaker and directed some very edgy films in the 90s (The Crossing Guard, The Indian Runner). But you could tell, when you saw this, that this film was his baby and really hit home personally with Sean Penn. He put his heart and soul into the picture. Of course, the acting is fantastic, but I think the film all together, is really what I looked at. I'm sorry to keep mentioning the Oscars, but it has to be said. Sean Penn didn't even get a 'Best Director' nomination for this?!? For those of you who liked Juno, yeah it was fun... I guess, but come on, lets be serious now. Into the Wild is an instant classic and is so unbelievably moving and breathtaking. You sometimes can't believe what your watching. The music (courtesy of Mr. Eddie Vedder) is so gorgeous and fits every scene perfectly. If I am going to glorify someone's acting (even though practically everyone did a fine job), it would have to be Hal Holbrook, who thank God, was one of the only pieces of this film that was nominated at the Oscars for 'best supporting actor.' One scene that stood out to me, which I'm sure stood out to most, was of course, the tear jerking final scene between Chris McCandless (played by Emile Hirsch), and Ron Franz (Hal Holbrook) where Ron asks Chris if he could possibly adopt him and make him his grandson. And when Chris asks him "can we talk about this, when I get back from Alaska?" And you see the reaction of Ron, you must be made of solid steel if you didn't shed at least one single tear. He agrees to postpone the discussion, but deep inside you know Ron didn't think that Chris really wanted to take that step in his life. I believe that scene alone, earned Holbrook the nomination that he greatly deserved. Into the Wild is a brilliant film with a classic soundtrack and was a project in the making for almost 20 years according to Sean Penn. TIDBIT: Leonardo DiCaprio was Penn's first choice to play Christopher McCandless back in 1994 when he first decided he wanted to adapt the book into a film.

7. The Puffy Chair (2005)
-Director, Jay Duplass, and his brother, co-writer/actor, Mark Duplass created this overlooked extremely independent, improv driven, authentic look at a couple, Josh and Emily, who are at a major crossroads in their relationship. Josh is sometimes unattentive and unfocused, and she is borderline bipolar with her emotional issues. Josh invites Emily to travel from their home in NYC to Virginia to pick up his father's birthday gift from some warehouse, that he purchased on eBay. A puffy chair. What follows is a series of ups and downs between the two in order to battle losing what they have most. Each other. Oh yeah, and Josh's Buddhist brother, Rhett, is along for the ride. I was invited to see this film at a special screening at the New York Film Academy in 2005, and I was so engaged in it, I didn't want it to end. I have seen quite a few shorts from the Duplass brothers as well as another one of their films (Humpday... check it out asap). You would have thought this film was shot with nothing but a handheld camera and some actors, and you know what? I wouldn't think any less of it, because isn't that really what films are all about? The storytelling and the acting? At least they used to be. This film is shot practically documentary style. We've all seen and met people like these characters, which makes this film even more memorable and moving and heartfelt. We relate so much to these people. Please, if you are a member of netfix, ADD THIS TO YOUR LIST! You will not be disappointed. Don't expect any witty effects, or a big budget. This little gem is for the great acting and the wonderful little story. And that's exactly what you'll get.

8. L.I.E. (2001)
-Michael Cuesta (director of Twelve and Holding) directed and co-wrote this moving, yet rough, film starring a very young, bleached haired, almost unrecognizable Paul Dano acting opposite Scottish acting giant, Brian Cox. Paul Dano plays 15-year-old Howie Blitzer, a guido rich kid from Long Island who eventually loses everything and everyone he knows, after his father is sent to prison for money laundering, and his friends are arrested after a break in goes wrong. Howie soon becomes involved in a relationship with a much older man, known around the neighborhood as Big John Mulligan (played by Brian Cox). Howie soon discovers that Big John is also a pedophile, but for some reason still hangs around with him. What follows is a bizarre non-sexual relationship between the two, as Big John sort of mentors Howie and becomes somewhat of the father he never really had. It's a lovely, yet cautionary tale with a not so happy ending. I know a lot may disagree with my choice for this film being one of the best of 2001, but if you look back on that year, there weren't many great films that really stood out. Like 2000, way too many special effect driven and/or Hollywood far fetched biopics with way too many movie stars and not enough actors. And way too many overrated films (i.e. Monster's Ball, A Beautiful Mind). Just the trailer alone for L.I.E. grabs your attention with the perfectly appropriate 'Hurdy Gurdy Man' by Donovan attached to it. L.I.E. is a must see, but brace yourself, cause it's a wee bit rough around the edges, and is in no means for everyone.

9. Big Fish (2003)
-This film, I believe, to be Tim Burton's finest, next to Edward Scissorhands. The cinematography, the incredible ensemble cast, the story, the climax, the message, everything from the beginning to the end was beautiful. I remember watching this film for the second time with my father, whose own father had just passed away recently (my grandfather) and once that final end sequence happened when Albert Finney is being carried through the forrest and he sees all the characters he encountered in his life, I looked over to my father, and it seemed like that scene really hit home with him. That's when I knew this film was something glorious and not just another quirky dark Tim Burton film. Tim Burton has always continued to impress me over the years with Ed Wood, Beetle Juice and of course, the groundbreaking Edward Scissorhands, but I really was upset with him when he decided to direct the "remake" of Planet of the Apes with none other, but Marky Mark in the Charleton Heston role. I mean, who else, right? I remember watching the featurrette of the film on HBO and hearing Burton saying something like, "Be in mind, this is not a remake nor is it a sequel. It's my own thing." Or something like that. I was like, "Who the hell is this man?! Where's Tim Burton?!" It just didn't sound anything like him. Every filmmaker will have his Gigli some point in their career (well... hopefully not THAT horrible...), but when 2003 came around and I saw Big Fish up on the BIG screen, all my worries for Burton went out the window and he was right back up there. Bravo.

10. World's Greatest Dad (2009)
-This film unfortunately did not get much distribution, despite it's lead role being played by none other than the comic genius, Robin Williams. It may have been it's extreme vulgarity, sex talk, or very dark plotline and subject matter. Nonetheless, this film stunned not only myself and the people I was with when I viewed it, but also the entire audience at the Tower Theatre in SLC, Utah for the Sundance Film Festival in January 2009. Does anyone remember that extremely loud and obnoxious guy who acted in such cult classics such as One Crazy Summer and of course, Police Academy 2-4 (he was too good for 1 and WAY TOO GOOD for 5-7). That would Mr. Bobcat Goldthwait. Well, this guy has another talent aside from yelling obnoxiously. He's also a hell of a damn good writer and a pretty darn good filmmaker. He created this beautiful film and watching it, you would have never thought that Shakes the Clown, himself was behind the camera. This story is one of the most original stories I have ever seen in years. Long story short, Robin Williams plays Lance Clayton, an English teacher and a struggling writer on the side. Lance also has another problem in his life. Having the worst, most vulgar, filthy, inconsiderate kid as his own son who also attends the school he teaches at. Kyle, his son, is eventually found dead in his bedroom. His son dies while choking himself to increase his masturbation. Lance takes the opportunity to write his son's suicide note and it accidentally gets published and now he is famous, but as he climbs the slippery slope to success, he keeps being reminded of the horrific knowledge of how he got to where he is. This film, again, is not for everyone, and you really have to be in the mood to watch it, but please, give it a chance. Williams glows in his role and unfortunately the media promoted this film like a silly comedy that we have been watching Williams in for the past decade (i.e. Licence to Wed, Old Dogs), but this film is anything but. Bobcat Goldthwait shined with this film and even though it didn't get the attention it deserved, it will always be a power house in my book. Hats off to Mr. Goldthwait and Mr. Williams.



Well, that's my top ten for the past decade. Hope you weren't outraged at some, or even all of my choices. Please feel free to comment and look for more entries. Thank you for reading and hope you continue.


Sincerely,
FILMBOY - Chris von Hoffmann


ENTRY QUOTE:

"All great work is preparing yourself for the accident to happen."
-Sidney Lumet