TOP 5 BEST SEQUELS

Over the years certain films have changed the face of filmmaking and stood the test of time with their originality and creative expertise. Never do we think that a sequel to that film could ever live up to the original's brilliance. It is never easy to live up to the original with a second installment, and is extremely rear that it ever happens in the history of film. But when it does, we are absolutely beside ourselves. Now unfortunately lately the past several years have been pretty horrifying with sequels and practically destroying the original's impact. Be Cool, Clerks II, Terminator 3 & 4, Spider-Man 3, Live Free or Die Hard (that was just an insult to the franchise). I mean, the list goes on. Now I have analyzed what I think are the top 5 best sequels that haven't really received much recognition (with the exception of maybe one...). Keep in mind, that I have skipped some of the all time greatest sequels that we all know and love (i.e. The Godfather, Part II, T2, The Road Warrior, etc.) because every single 'Movie Sequel' list you will read will contain those exact films. So... lets move on to some different ones, shall we? By the way, there are still many sequels (that may be incredible), but I just have not had the pleasure to view them yet (i.e. 1982's Star Trek: The Wrath of Khan...). If you have any recommendations, please let me know asap!


1. Aliens (1986)
-To be honest, this was actually labeled my favorite film of all time for a couple years when I first had became a teenager. I had always considered this film to be the granddaddy of sequels and I was completely blown away the first time I saw it. And also the fact that a new director took over was even a bigger shocker. When ever a new director takes over a franchise from the filmmaker behind the original legend, you get pretty shady. But not with this action packed bad ass classic. In 1979, a young Ridley Scott brought to life a legendary science fiction film, by writers Dan O'Bannon and Ronald Shusett. It surely went down in the history books as one of the most terrifying films ever made. I believe my mother kept her eyes closed the entire time in the cinema when she saw it back then. The tension, the story, and the fact that they killed off the leading man (Tom Skeritt) in the first half of the film marked this film one to not forget. This was the real deal. 7 years later 20th Century Fox decided it was time for a second installment considering the major box office success of the original. A young 30-something James Cameron, fresh off the massive success of his previous science-fiction flick, The Terminator, was attached to direct and co-write (alongside Walter Hill and David Giler). Cameron immediately made it his own creation and yes, of course, there were some terrifying sequences with now, multiple aliens (the ventilation scene, anyone???), but he mainly was out there to make a hell of an awesome "guy" movie. And surely enough... he did just that. In this film, Sigourney Weaver returns as Ellen Ripley, fresh off playing heroine in the original and now has a kean eye for how to kill these horrifying organisms. She is the last soul survivor of the planet where the alien had attacked years before, planet: LV-426. The government eventually decides to send Ripley and a hard ass team of elite space marines to scope out the destroyed colony to find out what exactly happened, having Ripley on as an "advisor." The main key elements of this film are the colorful space marine characters. A war crew out there for one thing and one thing only... kill as many of them as they can. Packed with non stop action and some disgusting looking creatures, this film keeps you on the edge of your seat but is also a major thrill ride for all sorts of people. Slow? Not in the slightest. Insanely awesome? 100 percent. The cast has some of the greatest chemistry I ever seen in an action science fiction film. Some great names line up this film's cast including, Cameron veteran Michael Biehn, Lance Henrikson (come on. Who doesn't love L.H.?!), Bill Paxton (another frequently used Cameron actor), New York comedian Paul Reiser (giving a delightful performance as a government sleazebag). But the real hard hitter stand out in this film has got to go to California native, Miss Jenette Goldstein as the "tough as nails" Pvt. Vasquez. Not enough good things can be said about this film. Granted this sequel is insanely different from the original. The original being more of an art piece in a way. Very slow, and very dark. The sequel being more in your face and somewhat of a popcorn flick, but with a director who really has a terrific vision. 2 more sequels were made of this franchise after the monstrous further box office success of Aliens. There was Alien 3 directed by David Fincher in 1992, which I have to say, I quite enjoyed. Great concept, it being on a prison planet and Weaver looked pretty awesome with a shaved head. Far better than Demi Moore in G.I. Jane (which coincidentally was directed by Ridley Scott). As well as, most likely, the least successful sequel in 1997, Alien Resurrection, directed by French noir filmmaker, Jean-Pierre Jeunet. Main trouble being with the horrible addition of Winona Ryder. However, for those of you who HAVE seen this film... the underwater attack? Come on. That's pretty terrifying, is it not? And then unfortunately a few years later they decided to combine the Predator franchise AND the Alien franchise and have them fend off each other in the insanely bad, Alien VS. Predator. Can you believe they even rated it PG-13?! Who does that?! Well, at least in 2007, they rated the sequel R, which was Aliens VS. Predator: Requiem. Anyway, both these films are terrible. If you ask me, don't even bother with all the Alien films from 1997 and up. Just watch 1-3. You will not be disappointed.

2. Batman Returns (1992)

-Now most would probably disagree with this being the best Batman sequel of all time and not 2008's epic sequel to Batman Begins... The Dark Knight. Now I did rather enjoy Batman Begins and thought The Dark Knight was absolutely outstanding, however, I still and always will prefer the original old school series (not at all including 1997's shit fest, Batman & Robin). In 1989, Tim Burton revitalized the over the top cheesy 60s television show, Batman, which had starred Adam West in the title role as well as Burt Ward as Robin. "HOLY BAJEEZES, BATMAN!" Burton's version had the wonderfully underrated Michael Keaton in the title role, Kim Basinger as his love interest, Vicki Vale, and Jack Nicholson in a perfectly casted performance of Jack Napier (aka The Joker). Anyway, once this long awaited film was released, it was a massive success and received much deserving recognition. Now the die hard fans of the comic book by Bob Kane, would of course prefer the new Batmans over the originals, considering how much closer they are to the comic (i.e. Heath Ledger's Joker vs. Jack Nicholson's Joker). I, myself, am not a fan of comic books. Now 3 years later, Burton and Keaton brought us a second installment entitled, Batman Returns, with a much more darker and horrifying vibe to it. Keaton is fantastic as always, but the true stand outs are the new additional villains. Catwoman (played beautifully by the gorgeous Michelle Pfeiffer), and Oswold Cobblepot, aka, The Penguin (played perfectly by Danny DeVito). Again, comic book fans would disagree with the casting of DeVito in the Penguin role, considering the fact that the Penguin character is a tall lanky man. But remember people, Burton has made a career out of taking old stories and starting fresh with his own vision (Planet of the Apes, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, and the latest Alice in Wonderland). So you can't blame him for that. Batman Returns is everything the original had and more. More violence. More sexual innuendo. And much better special effects and action sequences. Now I would not consider this an aim at families of any sorts. This is an extremely dark and at times, rather graphic, film which really serves justice to DC Comics. Think of it as The Dark Knight but with a lot more jokes. Oh and did I mention that Mr. Christopher Walken plays a corrupt businessman who is working with the Penguin to take control of Gotham City?! This film is entertaining, fast paced, great score (Some of Danny Elfman's best work), disturbing, and the best part is... it does not take itself too seriously. The new Batmans seem to take themselves way too seriously. What I loved about this film is also how they integrated the romantic interest of Bruce Wayne to be the alter ego of Catwoman, that being Ms. Selina Kyle. Who, after being shoved out of a building, is resurrected by cats and evidently becomes the villain she is. Catwoman. I thought that was a great, unpredictable little element. This was a favorite of mine when I was growing up and still remains a favorite of mine. Now in 1995, Burton left the Batman franchise, and Joel Schumacher took over with Batman Forever now starring Val Kilmer in the role (who I, to this day, still think was the best Batman). Jim Carrey played the Riddler, Tommy Lee Jones played Two-Face and sexy Nicole Kidman played Dr. Chase Meridian (aka, Batman's love interest). It's an excellent fast paced film with some outstanding performances by Carrey and Lee Jones. I absolutely loved it (still did not live up to Batman Returns however). We all thought Schumacher was off to a good start... until 1997 with the over the top shit fest entitled, Batman & Robin. When you see that Robin's name is in the title, you've got quite a problem. Robin was never needed in the first place. That's like as if James Bond ran around with a bodyguard. He doesn't need one! George Clooney, if you can believe it, took over the role of Batman and... this is too much... Arnold Schwarzenegger took on the role of Mr. Freeze!!! Hilarious. Oh and did I mention the no-talent Alicia Silverstone plays fucking Batgirl?!? That is almost funnier then Arnie playing Mr. Freeze! I mean, come on, this film practically made Batman look like a pussy with all the help he was getting! I tell you what you do. Smoke a blunt with a bunch of friends and put this film on. The person to hold in their laughter the longest wins. IT'S IMPOSSIBLE! This film is a disaster. And then later on in 2004, filmmaker Pitof (yup, that's their name if you can believe it) directed a spin off to the series on Catwoman simply called... Catwoman. I refused to watch it. They didn't even do the character justice or live up to anything. Benjamin Bratt and Sharon Stone in this film too?! Please.... I'd rather videotape my dog shitting than watch that piece of garbage. And then of course in 2005 the new Nolan Batmans arrived, which, to audiences everywhere, were mindblowing. However, I still stay true to what I grew up on. The original Batmans. Especially Batman Returns. Watch this film around Christmas time when it's snowing. You'd be surprised how much more of an impact you'll get. Tremendous sequel.

3. Army of Darkness (1992)
-In the year of 1981, a young ambitious filmmaker named Sam Raimi wrote and directed an ultra low budget campy B-rate horror flick entitled, The Evil Dead, which in time became a gigantic cult classic and a favorite among die hard B horror fans. Something you might have seen Roger Corman be involved with in the early 70s, late 60s, maybe. The simple story centered on 5 friends who stay at an isolated cabin in the woods and accidentally unleash a load of flesh-possessing demonic forces. Raimi had gained the money to make this film after showing prospective investors a vehicle for The Evil Dead, that he shot along with childhood friends, Bruce Campbell and Robert G. Tapert, called Within the Woods in 1978 when he was only 19-years-old. The Evil Dead became such a hit that it spawned off a sequel entitled, Evil Dead II: Dead by Dawn (as well as a hit over the top Musical years later). Catchy, huh? This film was again directed by Raimi, but now was co-written by him alongside fellow horror filmmaker, Scott Spiegel (From Dusk Till Dawn 2). It was released in 1987 and takes place right after the original, centering once again on our hero and lone survivor, Ashley J. Williams, aka ASH (played by horror icon, Mr. Bruce Campbell). Ash takes refuge in the cabin with a load of new strangers in order to face off even more demons. Not nearly as good as the original, however, the budget was a bit higher considering the added amount of financing they received. But nonetheless, the original was classic bad ass. Until 1992... In the year of 1992, Raimi decided to gear up and make a second and final sequel to his legendary Evil Dead saga. This one, however, taking a whole new path, loading up with a monstrous budget as well as taking place in Medieval times, instead of present time. Let down? Not one bit. This film was even too cool to be called Evil Dead 3. Instead, we call it... Army of Darkness. Written by Raimi and his older brother, Ivan Raimi, this film starts out in the same cabin of which the first 2 took place. However, now, Ash, now working as a discount-store employee ("Shop Smart! Shop... S-MART!"), is time warped to a Medieval castle (1300 A.D. to be exact) by monstrous forces. Ash is first mistaken as an enemy and is thrown into a giant torture chamber, which they like to call... The Pit. Where he ends up kicking the crap out of a couple of ugly beastly suckers. He then proves himself to the village and gains their respect through and through. Now his main mission... battle an army of the dead, locate the Necronomicon in order to return back home, oh yeah, and get the chick, Sheila (played by the beautiful Embeth Davidtz). This film is full of great campy violence, terrifying looking demons, and some unbelievably hysterical dialogue. Especially the character of Ash, who is really showing his true colors in this film. One scene that stands out to me is the confrontation between himself and his new evil clone that has been torn out of his body. The evil clone repeats... "Your gooooooood Ash. And I'm... baaaaaaaaaad Ash." Then proceeds to dance. The script is just absolutely brilliant and even the tagline on the poster alone sums up the whole flick. It reads, "Trapped in time. Surrounded by evil. Low on gas." I mean, how genius is that?! Sam Raimi really went all out on this one, it being given the highest budget of the 3. This film, I would not, however, consider much of a horror, which the first 2 really were geared towards being. This is first and foremost a slapstick comedy with some terrifying and creepy sequences wrapped up into it. I wouldn't be surprised if you found this film in the 'Comedy' section at Blockbuster. Darkness is a very well and fast paced action packed thrill ride that rarely takes a breather. I really don't think there's more than 6-7 minutes of nothing thrilling occurring. It's short and sweet (only 81 minutes) and right to the point. The special effects are hilarious, because (I'm not sure if this was Raimi's decision or not) it seemed like they had a big budget, but not that big. They relied on quite a bit of special effects given the fact that a big studio was financing it (Universal Pictures). I mean, the originals' effects were not exactly up to speed. However, it seemed like Raimi didn't want to make it completely different than the originals and still do them justice and not let down his fan base, so the effects are half amazing, half hilarious. From the miniature Ash's, to the Necronomican antics (when he's trying to recite the words), to the skeleton army. Everything is classic. Now Raimi is planning on doing a fourth installment of this franchise set to be released in 2011. I just really hope he doesn't forget his roots, considering the fact that he has gotten a bit spoiled, being he directed 3 Spider-Man films with insane budgets. Please Mr. Raimi... don't make Evil Dead IV ultra big budget! We beg of you!

4. Christmas Vacation (1989)
-Jeremiah S. Chechick (The Avengers, Benny & Joon) made his filmmaking debut with this wonderful third installment of the classic National Lampoon Vacation series. A film that really set the bar quite high for future National Lampoon films to come. And I truly don't believe another Lampoon flick has surpassed this one's genius. Now back in 1983, Harold Ramis brought to the screen an absolute cult classic for adventurous all American families everywhere. Something that started with a simple short story by John Hughes called Vacation 58 soon became one of the all time funniest road movies, if not, one of the all time funniest movies of all time! Since this being produced through National Lampoon, we could already tell that there were going to be many future installments to try desperately to live up to the original. One would be very careful. Unfortunately the first sequel was a massive letdown, at least... to me. 2 years later, the first sequel was released entitled, European Vacation. We had different actors playing Audrey and Rusty (Dana Hill and Jason Lively), new director signed on (Amy Heckerling), and overall just didn't quite hit its mark. However, Heckerling has always been a hit and miss throughout her career anyway, so... Most likely it was rushed out and was not prepared enough. 4 years later, a miracle happened right before our eyes. Something that would go down in history. A second sequel that has actually surpassed the original 6 years ago? Christmas Vacation fired at us like a rocket launcher with its laughs and oddball characters. And hey, it even wrapped up a nice little holiday message at the end. The difference between this one and European Vacation is that it was simply more prepared and thought out. Brilliantly casting Juliette Lewis and Johnny Galecki as Audrey and Rusty. Throwing in William Hickey, Doris Roberts and Julia-Louis Dreyfuss all in the mix! And of course, Randy Quaid returns as the legendary cousin Eddie, who probably gives the performance of his career, next to The Last Detail. Christmas Vacation centers right back on the Griswold family led by Chevy Chase and Beverly D'Angelo as the delightfully lovable Clark and Ellen Griswold. Clark Griswold has taken us to Wally World Amusement Park and Europe. Now were in their own home in good ole Breckenridge, Colorado. Making the vacation come to them so to speak. The Griswolds simply hope for the best Christmas ever... and what do they get? A complete and utter disaster. Now whenever Christmas arrives, I find myself watching Christmas Vacation more than A Christmas Story. I consider this one of the all time funniest films ever made. The acting is fantastic, the jokes are delivered flawlessly, and what's best of it is... the story is as simple as simple gets. Something we can all relate to. I, myself, found this to be very similar to what my Christmas dinners were like with my mother's side of the family. Grandpa yelling and screaming about nonsense. Grandma trying to shut him up. Aunts and Uncles acting looney. Cats and dogs running around. Neighbors complaining about the nose were making. Everything. This film makes you feel like this is truly the funniest and only chapter worth watching in the Vacation series, however, if you do have some time... watch the original Vacation as well. Do not, however, even bother watching the 4th and final Vacation film, Vegas Vacation. It was released in 1997, and was a total let down. It could have been hysterical and yes, there are some 'Ha-Ha's' and some 'He-He's' here and there, but all in all, it's right up there with European Vacation. Oh yes, and I almost forgot. The horrifying spin off sequel to Christmas Vacation. Get this... National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation 2: Cousin Eddie's Island Adventure! You have got to be kidding me. I remember glancing at this at Blockbuster one time when it was first released in 2003. I had to do a double take real quick to make sure it was real. And sure enough... it was. Pretty upset Randy Quaid signed on for this piece of crap. And it being made for TV as well! But hey, we all don't know what certain celebrities' situations are. Maybe in fact, he desperately needed the money. Shame. Anyway, Christmas Vacation is definitely my all time favorite Chevy Chase film and you owe it to yourself to beg, borrow or steal this film, start a fire, make some popcorn and pop in this comedy titan. You will not be disappointed. And if you are, you should better go see a doctor right away.

5. Toy Story 2 (1999)
-In 1995, a magnificent film by Pixar and Walt Disney Pictures was released to audiences all over and surely was a groundbreaker in future digitally animated films to come (i.e. Finding Nemo, Monsters, Inc, Cars). John Lasseter (Knick Knack, Tin Toy, A Bug's Life) directed and co-wrote this unbelievably sensational animated film about a cowboy toy, Woody (voice of Tom Hanks) who gets extremely threatened and jealous when a fancy new astronaut action figure named Buzz Lightyear (voice of Tim Allen), moves in and replaces Woody in the young boy's room. They later build a friendship, once Woody purposely knocks Buzz out the window to take his place, but feels bad and makes it his mission to rescue him. The film is just beautiful from beginning to end. It will hurt your gut from laughing so hard as well as bring tears to your eyes. Kids AND adults. Now in 1999, the sequel was released and many were very skeptical about how it would be... until they saw it. And many still believe the original is the best, considering the impact it had, but I believe this was like The Godfather, Part II to the original. It had everything and more. Triple the laughs, more great characters, and a beautiful message. This sequel had 3 directors assigned to it this time. John Lasseter, Ash Brannon and Lee Unkrich. This sequel revolves around mainly Woody this time. He has been stolen by a crazy toy collector at a garage sale named Al (hilarious voice of Wayne Knight). Buzz and the rest of the toys vow to rescue him, however, Woody is tempted to remain where he is after he meets Jessie the Yodeling Cowgirl (voice of Joan Cusack). This entire film is just fantastic. Some amazing voice additions including Kelsey Grammar, Joan Cusack and Wayne Knight. Toy Story 2 certainly, I believe, is even more attractive to younger audiences. Throwing the toys in even more locations now. That being the gigantic toy store where Woody is brought to. Now in June of this year another long awaited sequel will be released, Toy Story 3, revolving around Woody and the rest of the toys being dumped into a day care center, after their owner, Andy leaves for college. However, only one director is assigned, and was one of the co-writers of the first sequel. Lee Unkrich. A bit sketchy, but we have faith in him. I mean, this man did co-direct Finding Nemo and Monsters, Inc. Some fantastic additional voices to hopefully please us including Michael Keaton, Timothy Dalton, Whoopi Goldberg, Ned Beatty, and Bonnie Hunt. Fingers crossed. Anyway, what's even greater about the sequel is that the animation is even more amazing than the original's. I found myself forgetting that it was all computer animation. That is how excellent and crisp it was. Toy Story 2 surely raised the bar quite high for future computer animated films to come and was definitely, once again, another groundbreaker in the industry.



Well, that is what I think are the top 5 best sequels that have not really received the admiration and recognition they fully deserve (with the exception of Aliens of course). Please, like I said earlier, definitely recommend any more classic sequels that you believe surpassed the original! Farewell!

OTHER OBVIOUS CLASSIC SEQUELS:

1. The Godfather, Part II (1974)

2. Sanjuro (1962)

3. For a Few Dollars More (1965)

4. The Good, The Bad, And the Ugly (1966)

5. I Am Curious -- Yellow (1968)

6. French Connection II (1975)

7. The Road Warrior (1981)

8. Terminator 2 (1991)

Sincerely,
FILMBOY - Chris von Hoffmann



ENTRY QUOTE:

"It's kind of fun to do the impossible." - Walt Disney

'THE UK OFFICE' VS. 'THE US OFFICE'

Back in 2001, a 40-year-old Ricky Gervais and a young ambitious 27-year-old Stephen Merchant made a risky choice and brought something unique to situation comedies for the British Broadcasting Cooperation (BBC). A delightfully brilliant show called The Office. A mockumentary revolving around the staff and manager of a deadbeat paper manufacturing company called Wernham Hogg. I call their decision risky because of how realistic the show came off as. Some people actually believing it was real life being taped. It was not your typical over the top sitcom. It had emotions running through the office, extremely dry humor and a lot of depressed human beings discussing their lives to a camera crew. Now in 2005, Greg Daniels (also behind the horrible wanna-be Parks and Recreation) adapted the British sensation for American television with Steve Carell in the manager position as well as John Krazinski, Jenna Fischer, and Rainn Wilson. This show, mind you, is still on the air and seems to still be doing strong. Many have argued that the American version is a hell of a lot funnier than the British version. That it's faster paced (which I'll give them that), it's lighter, not as depressing, more hopeful, and the jokes come at you like grenades. I myself, have always preferred the British version and think there's a lot more to this story that meets the eye. It is not your typical situation comedy. It's out there to make a difference. To stand the test of time. Which, in my eyes, the British version absolutely did. I'm still waiting on the American version to accomplish that. And need I say, they are currently on their 108th episode! Where as, the British version only had 14 episodes! Including a 2-part Christmas special which is just outstanding. What will happen now is I am going to dissect both versions and then you (hopefully you'll read this) will let me know what you think! Here we go...


THE UK OFFICE (2001-2003)
-Now we all know by now, who Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant are. Well, a lot may not know Merchant, cause he's usually behind the camera. But if you don't know who he is, watch another Gervais/Merchant BBC creation called Extras where Merchant plays Gervais' agent. He's in practically every single episode. Anyway, now Gervais is a big, big star. Starring in two motion pictures, one of which he wrote and co-directed (The Invention of Lying) and makes brief cameos in a bunch of films and some television (Night at the Museum 1 & 2, Stardust, Alias). He also currently has an animated show based on his widely popular podcast alongside Stephen Merchant and Karl Pilkington that is broadcasted on HBO on friday nights at 9pm. But before any of these huge projects, Gervais was just a nobody in the 1990s working a typical 9-5 job (which I'm sure this show was based off of). Someone who didn't want to be in the entertainment industry at all. But it was Merchant, a very young ambitious man, who talked some sense into him. And then they decided to create a demo of an idea later called... The Office. It was eventually aired in 2001 and lasted 2 short seasons plus a 2-part tearjerking Christmas finale that wrapped everything quite beautifully if you ask me. Anyway, I remember when I was 19, my friend, who was working at Blockbuster in New York at the time, lent me a copy of the first season of the British Office because they didn't air it on American television. I was huge into Extras at the time, so of course, I jumped right at it. I absolutely fell in love with it and just couldn't believe America tried to duplicate what England had honed so nicely. But I stopped at the first season and just pursued Extras. Then about only half a year ago, I got back into the swing of things and starting watching all the episodes of the British version alongside the American version. In other words, I was watching them back to back, which was fascinating, I'll tell you. When I finally reached the end of the Christmas finale, I could have sworn a tear dropped from my eye. If you just watch this piece of work from episode 1 to the Christmas finale you will cry. It is a gorgeous character study and dissects the human mind so tastefully. This character that Gervais created, David Brent, is probably the finest character in the history of television. Most likely the greatest performance in the history of the BBC, I'm sure. Gervais and Merchant made a mark in British sitcoms and broke the rules. They rewrote the rules of television and made something pure. Characters we fell in love with only a few minutes in. This show practically defined the term, AWKWARD for me by the way. No characters annoyed me, unless they were trying to, but everyone played the part perfectly. David Brent has absolutely nothing and continues to receive nothing from anyone and is put down continuously by his co-workers, strangers, and his new boss that moves in to take charge, Neil Godwin (Patrick Baladi). And then finally in the last 5 minutes he gets some supreme redemption and there is hope for all in the office, but especially Brent. You hate him and you love him all the same. He's just a lonely man looking for a hug. Someone who has confused popularity with respect which is the main key to this character. A boss who sees himself differently from what the rest of the world sees in him. His blind spot. This is a magnificent piece of work and I think is one of the greatest television programs ever broadcasted. Now nearly 11 years from then, the British version is finally getting its knack on the American networks and internet. You can find all the episodes on IMDB.com, Netflix.com, and Adult Swim on saturday nights. Gervais even had a billboard in New York promoting it premiering on Adult Swim. I am just so glad he is finally getting some respect, because he is a very talented and smart human being and seems to be one of the purest, most humblest men I ever listened to in show business. The real deal. All hats off to Ricky Gervais, Stephen Merchant and everyone behind... The Office.



THE US OFFICE (2005-???)
-In 2005, Greg Daniels adapted the British version for American television and Americans finally had what England had. NOT EVEN CLOSE. I remember when I was a senior in high school, The Office had just premiered and of course, all the band geeks and emo kids were raving about. Probably some of the dumb jocks too. Well... they'd rave about a cat watching television, so... Anyway, I would always see promotions galore for it everywhere. From billboards to the internet, to television of course. Commercials everywhere promoting the hell out of it. I still didn't give it the time of day. I never was really a big fan of Steve Carell. Still not by the way. He was fine in 40-Year-Old Virgin and Little Miss Sunshine, but that's about it. So when I entered drama school, a new friend, avid watcher of all television, was raving about the show. He was also the one who lent me the copy of the British version's season 1 dvd. But my friend had a few posters of it on his wall and a calendar of it too! He loved it. I still wasn't interested. I found myself always wanting to steer clear from overly hyped popular shows that EVERYONE is watching. Lost for example... There on the island, there off the island. Who gives a shit! Anyway, I finally got to watching the American Office on Netflix.com and watched every single episode from beginning to latest (that I was watching on the television). And I have to agree, I thought the first 3 1/2 seasons were very cleverly written and they definitely made it their own without stealing too much from the British version. However, they did duplicate the pilot episode from the British version for their pilot episode which was very bizarre to watch. There were still some majorly irritating elements of this show that I just knew were not going to change. I think John Krasinski was a god awful choice to play the part of Jim Halpert. And Jenna Fischer as well for that matter! I can see why the studio chose them, but ehhhh didn't work for me. They absolutely butchered those characters, which are so key to the show's outline. The character of Tim in the British version (played beautifully by Martin Freeman), which is what Jim is based off of, is supposed to be this lovable loser who is very well aware of where his horrible life is heading. Alienated so to speak. He's supposed to live with his parents and be 3o-years-old! And he's not supposed to look like a goddamn pretty frat boy! He's supposed to look rather awkward but still cute. But the main thing that character had going for him was the receptionist Dawn (played by Lucy Davis). And she too was battling her own problems with her depression with her fiancee. Now they tried to duplicate that with Jim and Pam in the American version and Jesus Christ, are you kidding me?! They are so insanely annoying! And especially now that there married with a baby! Why should we feel bad for any of these characters?! They all seem like there having the best time of their lives and soaking up the glory. That's not what The Office is about, folks. Even the Michael Scott character (Steve Carell)! Who is suppposed to be the most depressing one in the bunch. He gets women galore! Holly, Jan, Pam's mom! And there gorgeous and they really dig him! And he's sleeping with them too! How is the character, who is supposed to be the most depressing and pathetic one on the show, better off than I am?! What does that say about me?! Anyway, ever since Jim and Pam got together, I just couldn't stand their cheesy interviews together. If they were going to go down the path of them getting married, then end it right there with the wedding episode in Niagara Falls! Why go on further? Okay, give them a baby, now there still going on further! For crying out loud! END THIS SHOW! It stopped being decent after the 3rd season. Practically all the characters annoy the hell out of me, not including Steve Carell suprisingly, and I just want to smack them whenever they speak. That's... that's not normal is it? When that's not their intention? When Kevin speaks I wanna rip his head off. They all act up a storm! And what the hell is the deal with Kathy Bates having a role in the show now! She's so lame! Save that performance over the top acting for fucken Broadway. Kathy, I love ya, but your failing me going on this lame ass disgrace to all who watch it. Do the people behind this show understand that they have the chance to make something special with this story, with what the British version did. I'm not saying make it just as dry, but blend in the drama a little more instead of this goofy comedy all the time. Well, if you call what they do comedy. They had the special opportunity to dissect these characters and really create a fascinating character study on the typical work place. But they decided to go the other route and please every single person on the planet and sell out with this garbage. Oh yeah, and do they ever explain the fact that a goddamn documentary film crew has been following them all for 5 years now?! No, they don't. They just push that aside like it's nobody's business. That's just one of the many plot holes this show has to offer. I love how the characters are constantly being followed in numerous big public places and not one person (not part of the main cast) ever observes the camera. Yeah, real realistic. Also many people can't quite be themselves when there on camera for a documentary, but Jim Halpert doesn't seem to have a problem with it. This show is just ridiculous. And if Jim or Pam look into the camera one more time with their stupid faces I feel like I'm going to break something out of anger. Enough is enough. This show must be stopped! Who's with me?! The only major upside to this program is Steve Carell's performance as Michael Scott. I have to say, he is absolutely hysterical. Thank heavens he is the lead key character in this show. All the other actors should be ashamed of themselves and move on to something else, because they are just terrible.



Well, that's my take on both versions of the widely popular Office television program. Stay tuned for saturday nights at 1am (I know...) on cartoon network for archive episodes of the British version and I guess... uh, I guess stay tuned in for thursday nights at 9pm for uh... the American version on TBS. If I were you, I'd just wait until 9:30 instead and watch 30 Rock. Farewell!



Sincerely,
FILMBOY - Chris von Hoffmann


ENTRY QUOTE:

"Charity is taking an ugly girl to lunch." - Warren Beatty

HORROR REMAKES

For as long as we can all remember horror films have been around. Some have stood the test of time with real terror (Jaws, Alien, The Exorcist, The Blair Witch Project). And others have marked a special place in our hearts for what it means to be a true slasher flick (Friday the 13th, House on Sorority Row, Sleepaway Camp). However, if you look back at all these classics and then some, you will find now in this awful generation of Hollywood creativity, that we are being overrun by constant remakes and/or sequels of the horror films we love the most. I am not saying that all of the remakes are terrible and there is no reason to make them. Granted, if the original is lame even for it's time and didn't really make much of an impact on audiences upon it's release, then I think it's time for a reboot. But when studios just start to remake classics just for the sake of it, then folks... we have a serious problem. I mean, we all know, that in Hollywood, all that seems to be coming out lately are either remakes, sequels, prequels, true stories, adapted true stories, "based on the novel by such and such..." I mean, come on guys! Where did all the originality go?! Thankfully we still have films like Paranormal Activity (which was only made for $11,000, mind you). Now if I am familiar with the original, I will absolutely go see any horror remake that is released, just to determine which is better. Now I had seen the remake of The Last House on the Left last spring, and I never thought it could live up to Wes Craven's 1972 classic of the same, or even Bergman's 1960 masterpiece, The Virgin Spring. However, it shocked the hell out of me. I went in there with low expectactions and I got something magnificent. Now unfortunately this particular remake received poor reviews for it's gratuitous violence (which there is a lot of), but I have a very high tolerance for violence, and I think it did the original justice. I mean, Wes Craven produced this film so he must have seen something in doing a reboot of his own gem. Now I have narrowed it down to, what I think, are the top ten horror remakes to discuss (whether there good or bad). Now keep in mind, that these top ten remakes must of had some sort of an impact on me in either a positive or negative way that I just can't help but write about. Here we go...



1. The Hills Have Eyes (2006) - One of my new favorite horror filmmakers, Frenchman Alexandra Aja, directed and co-wrote this, what I think, is an incredibly well crafted film. Not only is it terrifying, but is also very well done. Wes Craven directed the original back in 1977 and a few months after I saw the remake, I decided to get the '77 one on my netflix, and boy, was this difficult to watch. I believe I shut it off about 3/4 into it. This was not one of Craven's finest pieces of work by any means. I give him credit for attempting to bring this story to life though, and for it's time, I'm sure it was somewhat cool to watch. But when your 18 and you go see a film such as Aja's Hills you are beside yourself. I remember when I first saw the trailer for this film at the cinema, and I had no idea what it was. My friend whispered into my ear, "Man, it's radioactivity." I was already starting to get chills down my spine from excitement. I couldn't wait until this was released. When I finally saw it with my friends, all my expectations were fulfilled. I went in there with high expectations and sure enough, I viewed something great. Which is very difficult to happen with me. For those of you who are not familiar with the story of The Hills Have Eyes, it revolves around an all American family on their way to California, and from the advice of a creepy gas station attendant, take a detour through the desert and eventually have their car break down in the middle of nowhere. As night falls, they start to discover they are not alone. That they are surrounded by mutant savages seeking revenge on humans for turning them into what they are. The film has everything a die hard horror fan would want. Nonstop suspense, right amount of gore, great make up effects, and even revenge and redemption at the end from the humans! EVERYTHING! And keep in mind, Alexandra Aja is not your typical horror filmmaker. This man is a student of cinema. He is going to be one of the greats years to come. If you have not seen Aja's first film, High Tension, see it as soon as possible! It's one of the most disturbing films I have ever seen, but it's brilliant, as is this overlooked triumphant reboot.


2. Friday the 13th (2009)
-Now I had been looking forward to this upgraded reboot of the cult classic 1980s slasher flick franchise, because to be honest, even though we all look at Friday the 13th as a classic, if you go back and really watch it thoroughly, it's a piece of crap. I'm sure people who viewed it in the theatres back in 1980 thought the same. Not the best or the worst slasher flick, but it definitely had somewhat of an impact on future slasher flicks and should be watched at least once. If not for the film itself, at least for Kevin Bacon's cameo! Now back to the topic of discussion. I was extremely excited and got goosebumps when the release date came closer and closer. And I had even higher hopes considering the fact that Marcus Nispel was signed on as director, considering he was the genius behind the remake of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (which we'll get to later...). And then I finally saw the thing. And boy, I have never been more disappointed about a horror film in my entire life! This film is under directed, poorly acted, horribly scripted, weak deaths, and not scary in the slightest. Even the original Friday the 13th films had better and more creative death sequences and cooler ideas than this shit fest, and they came out in the 1980s for crying out loud! Probably the cheesiest decade for slasher flicks! The only redeeming quality about this film is the opening deaths involving a small group of campers who get attacked by Jason, as he still remains with the bag over his head. The deaths are gruesome, the tension is built nicely, and the acting is tolerable. But from then on, when we skip to the next batch of campers who are the main principals of the story, the film goes downhill. Granted the opening sequence is only like 15 minutes tops, so... we don't have much to fall back on here. What Nispel did, which you can't blame him for attempting, was try to bring to life the old vibe of 80s slasher flicks (with the silly sexual innuendo, silly dialogue) and combine it with this new generation of ultra seriousness (like the Saw films). Needless to say, this was the ultimate backfire if you ask me. Honestly I really thought this film was off to a good start but then it felt like a new director took over after the opening and turned the film into shit. Also, sorry to go off the handlebars a little here, but you know how in most teen slasher flicks, there is at least one major preppy boy asshole who you just can't wait to get the most brutal, most grotesque death ever?! Well, this film is no different and contains probably the most perfect candidate to play the biggest prick in 'prick history.' The character is Trent, but wait, it gets better. The actual actor playing him's name is... (and I'm not even kidding) Travis Van Winkle! Is that not the most preppiest, most pompous name out there?! If that's not in the top 10, I don't know what it is. Anyway, so this character of Trent is a major asshole all throughout the film. Cheats on his girlfriend practically right in front of her, dismisses the main character's missing sister, and disses his friends all throughout the film in the most protentious way ever. So of course he remains alive until almost the climax, so we are just on the edge of our seats waiting for his death. So finally Trent encounters Jason Voorhees in the middle of the dirt road and what happens??? Jason picks him up and drops him on some fucking moose antlers attached to the back of some hick's truck!!! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!? That may have worked with some of the other victims, but this jerk off needs the big kahuna of deaths. At least slice him in half or rip his face open. It needs something way more creative! That was like a shot in the gut to me. I love when pricks get what's coming to them, but they treated his death as if he were just some goddamn gas station attendant taking a shit. I can't discuss this film any further. If you really want to waste your time watching this piece of crap (which I know you will, cause I would out of curiousity if I read this review too, so...), then please try to only watch the opening 15-20 minutes! The opening is the only scene that counts. Everything else is dog shit.


3. The Amityville Horror (2005)
-Good God. I do not know how I am going to write this review. This is by far the bleeding asshole of horror remakes. If this was the last film on Earth, I wouldn't bother to lay my eyes on it. Well, to be honest, I just said that for effect. I probably would watch it to tell you the truth, cause I can't live without films (no matter how horrible they are)... but I wouldn't enjoy it that's for sure! In the year of 1979, an absolute cult classic and terrifying film was introduced to audiences all around the world. Stuart Rosenberg directed the original version of The Amityville Horror, based on Jay Anson's novel of the same name, starring screen veterans James Brolin and Margot Kidder as George and Kathy Lutz and the hard hitting Rod Steiger as Father Delaney. The story revolves around an average family who move into a house in Amityville, Long Island, and soon the father begins to become possessed by demons ordering him to murder his family. This film is not one to watch in the middle of the night by yourself (unless your a die hard horror fan like myself). This is by far one the scariest, most cleverly told films I have ever seen. I rank it up there in terror with The Exorcist. I wouldn't even consider this a horror film. More like an 117 minute nail biter. Unfortunately this film, due to it's critical success, spawned multiple absolutely awful theatrical as well as straight-to-dvd sequels. The only one being good enough to sit through is the first sequel, well a prequel, entitled Amityville II: The Possession starring Paulie Pennino himself, Burt Young! And who doesn't love Burt Young?! Okay, now to quickly discuss what we were really hear to talk about. In 2005, Andrew Douglas was assigned to direct the reboot of the franchise and brought us this pile of bull shit. This film was a joke. Yeah, it kept in several of the same bits of the original (the babysitter incident, the little girl on the roof), but big deal! That's not enough to save this disaster. Now I can't say I don't blame them for casting Miss Melissa George as Kathy Lutz. I don't have a problem with her and I adored her in Turistas (even though that film is crap). But here is the true kicker and biggest joke of the film. RYAN REYNOLDS TO PLAY GEORGE LUTZ?!? Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't this the bozo who plays such intensified performances such as Van Wilder and the Male Nurse in Harold and Kumar go to White Castle? Now granted, Brolin was no Olivier in the film industry in the 70s, but at least he looked the part. Reynolds just looked like Jim Carrey. Oooooh, what, he put on a bunch of rock hard muscle and chops wood shirtless and has a beard, so were automatically supposed to be scared of him? Sorry Ryan. Ain't gonna work. I felt like this film was spoofing the original and seemed to try to make a dark comedy, which could work... if it was done intelligently, which it was not. The only element that didn't let me down was the incredible character actor and screen veteran, Philip Baker Hall, filling in Rod Steiger's shoes as Father Delaney. I'm glad it was Hall and not Tyler Perry. When I was watching this in the theatre and the demons were screaming, "GET OUUUUUUT!!!" I truly felt like that was a secret message telling us all to leave the theatre before it's too late. Two thumbs way down for this disgrace.


4. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003)
-Now this is quite the tricky scenario for a remake to be made. The original absolute classic, directed by horror icon Tobe Hooper, had a major impact on many, many horror films to come. Even The Silence of the Lambs if you'd believe it! A 'Best Picture' winner, what?!? Oh yes. However, watching this film now, yes it is creepy and pretty grotesque, but never the less, it did come out in 1974 and could definitely use a reboot and some better acting. Marcus Nispel brought to life this remake in 2003 and went all out, holding nothing back. Once I discovered R. Lee Ermey was playing Sheriff Hoyt, I was all ears. For those of you who aren't familiar with this story, which is loosely based on true events in Texas, which scares you even more, considering the story's horrendously graphic nature. It is the story of a group of friends who are stalked and hunted by a deranged and cannibalistic family who are so poor that they need to hunt human flesh for food. The chainsaw in the title comes from our main antagonist, Leatherface, who swings a chainsaw everywhere he goes like a madman. Well, I guess it's hard to not look like a madman when your swinging a chainsaw. Leatherface's prime motive is skinning the faces off his victims and collecting them. Now this is one of those films where the cast and crew really took this film ultra seriously and were really out there to honor the original and do it justice, but also create a new vision. It was executed very nicely. The tension, the music, everything. Now only is this a terrifying horror film, but it's also just a damn well done film in and of itself. I would not be surprised if Soderbergh were behind the camera on this masterpiece. I can not say enough good things about this film. Hell, even the prequel that was released 3 years later, Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning was damn good! Granted, R. Lee Ermey reprised his role, but nonetheless, it's still a great prequel. Bravo to all who were behind this film. I'm sure it was not easy to try to please fans of the original, major horror fans, and cinema buffs all at the same time, but I feel this film honored all three categories nicely, and that... is the ultimate challenge.


5. The Last House on the Left (2009)
-I have to admit, when I first saw the trailer for this film, I probably had the lowest expectatations I have ever had for a horror remake. However, I was a huge fan of the original, I knew this was rated R, and I knew right off the bat, that I was going to check it out, no matter how bad it looked. I'll see any horror remake, cause you never know... I might be surprised. Which is exactly what happened to me with this ultra violent revenge drama. 50 years ago, Ingmar Bergman brought us the Swedish period piece entitled, The Virgin Spring, which takes place in 14th century Sweden. It revolves around a young virgin who is brutally raped and left for dead by goat herders. Later on, by a bizarre twist of fate, they wind up at the parents house in need of food and shelter. The parents then begin a sadistic list of revenge tactics on the herders. Then 12 years later, Wes Craven remade the Oscar winning Foreign classic in modern times (well, 1972 modern times) revolving around the exact same premise, just tweaked it a little. It was a huge hit and was the driving point for Craven's horror career. Then 37 years later, Wes Craven thought to himself, "It's about time for an upgrade." I really thought they were going to butcher this remake, but I did have in the back of my head that Craven was involved in producing and developing it, so that was a good sign. He did help The Hills Have Eyes get remade and that was magnificent (as you already know from previously on my list). But I still thought the trailer looked weak. When I finally saw this film in the theatres, it was the complete opposite of what I suspected it of being. IT WAS AWESOME! Cutthroat violence, intense acting, great character development, and fantastic, bloody revenge done to the max! Hell, this film actually received horrible reviews because of it's glorified violence! I, myself, think it was done very tastefully. For once the major prick in the pack (Garret Dellahunt) gets the worst death of all. They don't take this psychopath for granted, like a lot of terrible films have done to their main antagonist. They give this sleazebag what he's got coming. They take their time with him. I mean, this guy did rape their daughter, shoot her in the back, beat her, leave her for dead, as well as killing the girl's best friend with a knife. This guy has got to suffer. And suffer he does. Well suffer is really an understatement. I won't give anything away, but lets just say a microwave plays a large part in the victim's demise. Anyway, this film is a must see. If you love the original I really don't think you'll be dissapointed.


6. Psycho (1998)
-Are you kidding me?


7. Dawn of the Dead (2004)
-Zack Snyder directed this remake of George A. Romero's 1978 cult classic unofficial sequel to 1968's ultimate zombie triumph, Night of the Living Dead. George Romero has made quite the ultimate impact and revitilization of horror films and is the master of zombie flicks. So to be in Snyder's shoes is a tricky situation to remake something from the biggest horror icons in the history of horror cinema. And when I discovered Romero had nothing to do with this film, not even an E.P. credit, I was a little hesitant. But I loved the edgy cast consisting of Ving Rhames, Sarah Polley, Jake Weber, and Mekhi Pfeiffer. Now that's a kick ass cast for a horror film. Any film for that matter. I love when horror films get good actors though. It's very refreshing. I respect Snyder a lot for taking on this reboot and making it his own and his own only. Actually renaming it, Zack Snyder's Dawn of the Dead. That's when you know your in for a treat and it's a very risky move on his part if you ask me. Anyway, this film centers on a zombie epidemic happening causing a group of survivors seeking shelter and protection in an oversized mall. I have always loved this story out of all the ...Of the Dead films considering it's main message on shoppers in malls who are so overwhelmed with their shopping agenda and infatuated with buying the next "big thing" that they become zombies themselves. Great symbolism here. This film keeps you on the edge of your seat with tension and some of the most well directed zombie attacks I have seen in quite a while. Just the character development alone is fascinating to watch. How everyone comes together to battle these undead creatures in order to survive. How they all start out as strangers who despise one another and later soon to trust each other with their lives. Very well done. They were remakes made of the other two zombie flicks we all know of from Romero. Night of the Living Dead, which was tolerable, but then the real disgrace was in 2008, when they decided to remake Day of the Dead which went straight-to-dvd as it well should have. However, Ving Rhames did return for this one, but as a different character. Even he couldn't save this disaster. Mena Suvari and that idiot, Nick Cannon, also co-star. It was borderline impossible to sit through the first 5 minutes of the remake of Day of the Dead, but it's nearly impossible to get up from your chair throughout the entirety of the Dawn of the Dead remake.


8. Prom Night (2008)
-I can not say enough awful things about this absolute disgrace to all horror fans. Listen up studios!!! I warn you... do not rate a horror remake of an R-rated original, PG-13!!! They did the same with The Stepfather and I was totally mortified. This remake is no better. For those of you who are not familiar with the original 1980 cult classic, which starred scream queen, Jamie Lee Curtis. It revolves around a masked killer who stalks 4 teens who were responsible for the death of a child 6 years earlier at their high school's prom. And did I mention Leslie Nielson has a principal role? I mean, come on, man! This flick is classic bad ass. Cool deaths, and kick ass disco makes this film one to remember. Now in 2008, Nelson McCormick (also the man behind the terrible Stepfather remake in 2009) revisited this film and brought us his own shitty version of what he thinks would make a good teen slasher flick. Jesus, this isn't even the same movie. Some moron in a baseball cap attempts to look scary as he stalks a bunch of teens at their high school prom while looking for some chick who he was infatuated with from years before but still is... oooooohhhhh creepy!!! Anything but. I couldn't believe they risked rating this PG-13. I mean, where the hell do they get off? The original was a classic R-rated bonofide slasher flick. Why do they rate a remake lighter then the original?! It's like what they did with the remake of Fame. Rating it PG, when the original was R?! How the hell can you do that? Well, I'll discuss that shitty remake on a different list. Anyway, this film has absolutely no scares, and they didn't even attempt at doing the original justice. They just threw in a bunch of eager beaver MTV talentless "actors" to scream and look scared so they can make a quick buck. No effort in this at all. Why even call it Prom Night? This has nothing to do with the original, except for the fact that there's a killer stalking people at a prom. But his motives and intentions and look is completely different. Why couldn't they just have called this Night of the Prom or Terror Prom or hey... how bout just not making this?! That sounds like a plan! If it's broke, don't fix it. This film is by far worse than all 3 of the horrendous Prom Night sequels combined!


9. Halloween (2007)
-Now I can't say I hated this film. But I, in no means, loved it. This film has a similar impact on me as the remake of Friday the 13th had. The first half (well for this film at least) was fantastic and definitely showed even more than what the original did of Michael Myers' past, but then once we get into Haddonfield, Illionois, the shit hits the fan. Rob Zombie wrote and directed this ultra reboot of the 1978 absolute cult classic with once again, scream queen, Jamie Lee Curtis in the starring role of Laurie Strode. Unfortunately Zombie's choice for the new Laurie Strode is an utter chatastrophe played by Scout-Taylor Compton, who is just annoying more than anything. But I have to admit Malcolm McDowell is a fantastic choice to play Dr. Loomis and definitely made it his. He created something totally unique, rather than mimicking what Donald Pleasance brought to the originals. You can definitely see that Zombie was a huge fan of the Halloween franchise, especially the original. Well, really just the character of Michael Myers, and he wanted to do it justice. Zombie is not a dumb person by any means. He actually has a very kean eye for filmmaking and surely knows what he's doing and knows how to cut to the core. I mean, he even admits that he was rather upset with his turn out of this remake. It really felt like 2 movies by the time it was over. However, thankfully Zombie made a huge comeback with the sequel to this which came out in 2009. He just went all out on this one, and even though he used a tad bit from the original Halloween II from 1981 (the hospital nightmare sequence), he really created something completely different and ran with it. This sequel was an absolute power house and I really felt like Zombie learned his lesson with the let down of the first. Like I said, I didn't like this film nor did I dislike it. I just think it was unfocused and maybe should have had more time spent on it. Don't worry, Rob Zombie. I still think your awesome.


10. The Thing (1982)
-It doesn't get any better than this, folks. This is the big kahuna of horror remakes and will go down in the history books. From the acting to the special effects to the writing to the make up to the directing to the story. Everything spells out brilliant. I wouldn't really consider this a remake, considering how different it is from the original. But it holds the same title (well the original technically being called The Thing from Another World) and it is official on the internet that it's a remake, so... Christian Nyby, and believe it or not, an uncredited Howard Hawks teamed up to direct this 1951 science fiction film (which at the time I'm sure was horrifying, but now in 2010, ehhhhhh.....). The story centers on scientists and the American air force fending off a bloodthirsty alien organism while stationed in an arctic outpost. Then 31 years later, it was time to make an upgrade. And who better to take on that challenge, then the granddaddy of science fiction and horror, Mr. John Carpenter. And who better to star? Bad ass Kurt Russell, who returns after working with Carpenter in Escape from New York in 1981 (which unfortunately there is talks of making a remake of that too in 2011!!!). This version's story is not insanely different, however there is a twist. There are scientists. There are Air Force military soldiers. There is the arctic outpost. And there is an alien organism. However, the elaborate difference here is that the alien is a shape shifter who morphs into its victims rapidly. This makes for one ultimate horror/sci-fi flick! A real "guy" movie. It is very much in the theme of Planet Terror. Kurt Russell is the ultimate bad ass as R.J. MacReady and Keith David and Wilford Brimley bring memorable performances to the screen as well. But the main impact comes from the incredible make up and special effects. This film offers the perfect blend of dark comedy, horror and science fiction perfectly that it's hard to keep your eyes off the screen.



Well, that's my list for the top 10 horror remakes (good and bad) that had enough of an effect on me that they needed to be discussed thoroughly. Hope you weren't dissapointed. Please feel free to comment and if your interested enough, "follow" me! God bless.


UPCOMING HORROR REMAKES

1. A Nightmare on Elm Street (April 30th, 2010)

2. Piranha 3-D (August 27th, 2010)

3. Pet Semetary (2010)

4. Child's Play (2010)

5. Hellraiser (2011)



Sincerely,

FILMBOY
- Chris von Hoffmann


ENTRY QUOTE:

"All I've ever wanted to do is darken the day and brighten the night." - Clive Barker

'BROTHERS'

Brothers (2009)
- Jim Sheridan (In the Name of the Father, In America) directed this uneven remake of Susanne Bier's Danish film, Brodre, which was only released back in 2004. It stars Jake Gyllenhaal as ex-con Tommy Cahill, who, after his older brother, Captain Sam Cahill (Tobey Maguire), goes missing in Afghanistan, comforts Sam's wife Grace (Natalie Portman) and his two daughters, Isabella and Maggie (played brilliantly by Bailee Madison and Taylor Geare). Problems begin once Sam is rescued and confronts Tommy and Grace concerning infidelity with a not so stable state of mind. This film could have been so much better than it turned out to be. I had read the mixed reviews on this film but still wanted to check out it because I was very intrigued by the story line, even though, to tell you the truth, is bit of a rip off of Hal Ashby's 1978 classic, Coming Home, with Jon Voight and Jane Fonda. But once I saw it, it seemed like they put barely any effort into at all. As if they just rushed the whole thing threw it out there without a care in the world. The only engaging performances were from the two children. They were practically upstaging Natalie Portman. Aside from them, I'd have to say Tobey Maguire gives the better performance of the three principal actors, only because his character is obviously the major developer and is the most complex. I think Natalie Portman was miscast for the role of Grace Cahill. She looks too exotic and way too perfect looking to be the wife of a soldier in a small town. The role should have gone to Miss Carey Mulligan (who actually has a very minor cameo in the film as another wife of a dead soldier). This film is unbalanced with the silly comedic scenes, especially when Gyllenhaal is painting Grace's kitchen with Ethan Suplee and the other stooges. And then all of a sudden it dives into the heavy stuff in Afghanistan with Maguire. It just felt silly to me more than anything. I'd expect a whole lot better from Jim Sheridan, whose directed Daniel Day-Lewis THREE TIMES! However, he did follow Get Rich or Die Tryin' with this film, so... I guess every director has his weak streak in their careers. I give this film 2 out of 5 stars.




Sincerely,
FILMBOY - Chris von Hoffmann


ENTRY QUOTE:

"Filmmaking is a chance to live many lifetimes." - Robert Altman

SUNDANCE 2010

I had the pleasure of attending the Sundance film festival for the second time this year and saw some amazing pictures over the short vacation. Here's what I thought of them...



1. Animal Kingdom
- This was the first film I managed to see at Sundance and boy, was it a great start. David Michod wrote and directed this Australian crime film with Joel Edgerton and Jacki Weaver. It revolves around an 17-year-old emotionless kid named Josh (played superbly by James Frecheville) who loses his neglectful mother to a drug overdose and is taken in by his overly loving grandmother (Aussie genius, Jacki Weaver) and his three much older criminal uncles (Joel Edgerton, Luke Ford, and Sullivan Stapleton). Josh eventually finds himself exploring the troubles of this explosive criminal family, who are extremely hated by the police, and once he finds himself caught right in the middle of a serious investigation, Detective Leckie (Guy Pearce) steps in to try to save him from the criminal dysfunction that now is his life. I have been a huge fan of Australian cinema ever since I saw Jon Hewitt's Acolytes at the Toronto Film Festival in 2008. The performances are flawless and the story is fascinating. Apparently it's based on the true corrupt police force as well as the high murder rate in Melbourne in the late 1980's. It may seem fuzzy at some points towards the end, but it makes up for it in the climax. Ben Mendelsohn gives a chilling performance as Pope, the oldest son/uncle, and the most deranged and unstable of the pack. New comer James Frecheville is absolutely fantastic as his vulnerable role of Josh. And Jacki Weaver is so terrifying and frightening that you absolutely love her at the end. This film was a great kick off to my line of films at Sundance.

2. The Killer Inside Me
- Michael Winterbottom (24 Hour Party People, A Mighty Heart) directed this remake of Burt Kennedy's 1976 film of the same name, as well as an adaptation of Jim Thompson's 1952 novel. An odd collection of actors fill in the ensemble for this interesting noir thriller consisting of Casey Affleck, Tom Bower, Elias Koteas, Liam Aiken, Jessica Alba, Kate Hudson--WAIT, WHAT?! I know! And can you believe Winterbottom actually asked them specifically to play their roles? Alba plays a pain loving prostitute that Affleck is constantly beating and sleeping with, and Hudson plays his wife. Hudson is definitely the worst in this film. And not only is she terrible in it, her character is ridiculous. There is no point to it. It seems like she was just thrown in there. No development. No nothing. Simply furniture. And Hudson absolutely did nothing to improve her character. This film got off to an interesting start (with a very cool Tarantino-style opening credit sequence), but myself and many others in the audience got very turned off by a much too long absolutely BRUTAL scene between Affleck and Alba, where Casey Affleck beats her to a bloody pulp. And I mean BEATS HER! To the point where her face looks like a deranged mask you find in a Halloween store. And then much later on, Hudson gets her turn (not as graphic though, I assure you). Now I understand Winterbottom was trying to be faithful to Thompson's novel, but come on. He could of easily just had one punch shown and then from there on, nothing but sound effects. It would have been way more effective, believe me. But it truly seems that films seem to get more and more graphic each year. If we keep on seeing this extreme violence on screen (particularly against women, which is much overused), then, I'm not saying someone will go out and beat another to death, but it does seem more... acceptable, I guess is the word. Would you agree? However, the film still didn't lose my entire attention after the horrific beating of Jessica Alba, cause the other performances and the whole crazy story was very engaging. Casey Affleck is perfectly cast as this perfect looking "boy next door" deputy Sheriff in this small Texas town who is slowly unmasked as a psychotic serial killer, but it goes much deeper than that. This film definitely had sheds of Coen Brothers noir in it. Think No Country for Old Men meets The Man Who Wasn't There. I was very half and half on this one, however. I didn't love it nor did I hate it. I thought it could have been a hell of a lot better, and at times, seemed very unfocused. I really pray that Winterbottom trims down the beating scene with Alba, because frankly, right now, I think it's up there with the infamous rape scene in Gasper Noe's Irreversible.

3. Jack Goes Boating
- Philip Seymour Hoffman makes his directing debut with Jack Goes Boating. The film's star Hoffman, himself, and co-stars John Ortiz, and Daphne Rubin-Vega reprise their roles, having worked together in the stage production of the same name. This is a lovely hopeful story of Jack (Hoffman), a lonely, depressed limo driver in New York City, who after being set up on a blind date, Connie (Amy Ryan), by his best friend, fellow limo driver, Clyde (John Ortiz), begins to see life in a whole new light and begin to sculpt himself thoroughly. In the midst of all this, Clyde and his wife, Lucy (Daphne Rubin-Vega) start to crumble, as Jack and Connie start to flourish. Hoffman plays a daring first effort on this film, and I was very impressed. It's a bit rough around the edges, being that it's a first time for him, but that's not enough from keeping you from enjoying it. It's a beautiful story of different relationships in the backdrop of winter in New York and was told very authentically and gracefully by Mr. Hoffman. You have a whole new love for New York after you see this film, much like what Woody Allen did with 1979's Manhattan.

4. The Extra Man
- Sherri Springer Berman and Robert Pulcini return to Sundance this year after 2003 with their cult indy hit, American Splendor, with this absolutely hysterical and very enlightening film of Louis Ives (played by Paul Dano) who is obsessed with F. Scott Fitzgerald and cross dressing. Interesting combo, huh? Louis makes the plunge and moves to Manhattan to pursue his lifelong dream of becoming a writer, but ends up working as a sales caller for an environmental magazine, when he's anything but green. He is, however, very distracted by his beautiful co-worker Mary (played suprisingly well by Katie Holmes). Louis eventually moves into his apartment and that's when he meets Henry Harrison (the amazing Kevin Kline) his roommate. Henry is anything but normal. He is an eccentric washed up old fashioned playwright who seems like he's stuck in the 1920's. Henry is also a social escort for much older wealthy women. Which is where the phrase, "Extra Man" comes from. The two form an unexpected bond as the film progresses. I have never laughed out loud this hard in quite a long time. Kline and Dano have this hilarious chemistry, and the jokes seriously come at you like a bullet. And John C. Reilly makes a brilliant co-star in this piece, as Gershon, the mysterious grizzly bearded car mechanic who lives downstairs in their apartment building. He is quiet for half the film, and I will not give away anything of when he finally speaks... This film is a delight and is out there to please anyone. The humor is cerebral and perfect, the cast is excellent, and the story is original. What more could you want in a film? If you like the HBO show, Bored to Death, then you'll love this film, cause Jonathan Ames (creator of Death), co-wrote it with the directors. This is by far the best film I saw at Sundance this year, and to think, I originally wasn't even planning on seeing this!

5. Frozen
- Cult horror filmmaker Adam Green (Hatchet, Spiral) wrote and directed this edge of your seat non stop brutal nail biter. It centers on three college students (Kevin Zegers, Shawn Ashmore, and newcomer, Emma Bell) who get stuck on a chair lift over 50 feet above ground at a crappy ski resort that's only open friday-sunday (this specific night... being sunday). They are then forced to make some risky decisions in order to survive. Unfortunately this film only severely picks up once they start panicking on the chair lift (about 30 minutes in), but everything leading up to that point is incredibly dull. The acting and writing is half assed until that specific point. But really, all there doing is screaming for their lives and the occasional mental breakdown here and there. I have to say, this film is by no means far fetched though, which is a major plus to scare audiences, especially if you love to snowboard like I do. I happened to catch the Q&A with the director and cinematographer and they discussed all the research in detail of what you can survive from and what you can't. That's the major part of this film that freaks you out. I rank it up there with Open Water. I had gone to see my father, who was skiing at a nearby resort while I went to see this film, and just walking onto the snow gave me chills after seeing this. It's like walking into Times Square after watching Cloverfield. The acting gets much more solid once they start fighting for their lives, but unfortunately there is quite a bit of dead weight while they are sitting on the chair lift, mainly during the daytime, talking about childhood stories and nonsense. Mainly just trying to kill time until they have to face another brutal evening of terror. This film did put me on the edge of my seat and did make me cringe quite a bit, but I will not give anything away. I'm just going to say that the three kids and the chairlift are not the only colorful characters in this delightful nightmare. There are bits of cheesy dialogue and monologues and times when your saying to yourself, "Oh come on, man. I can't believe you just said that! That's so fucken lame!" But hey, the film disturbs you enough to make up for it. I have to give props to Mr. Adam Green, considering he wrote and directed the over the top gorefest, Hatchet, which is an ultimate favorite among die hard horror fans. However, he seemed to have approached this film completely different with a whole other outlook on REAL horror. I wouldn't even consider this film a horror film. More like a thriller genre with some heavy drama, but nothing compared to Hatchet's graphic nature. I actually preferred this film way over Hatchet, even though they are both very different types of films. I do recommend this film, but expect that it is what it is and is not out there out to stand the test of time. It's mainly out there to run chills down your spine and make you think twice about heading out to the slopes this winter. In that case, I say it did it's job.

6. Blue Valentine
- Newcomer Derek Cianfrance directed and co-wrote this uniquely told gripping raw tale of a troubled married couple (Ryan Gosling and Michelle Williams) who shack up in a crumby theme motel and attempt to fall back in love. While this is occurring, we are shifting back and forth between the past and the present. When they met and fell heads over heels for each other and when they crumbled. I have to say, I have been admiring Gosling and Williams for quite sometime now and it was just a matter of time until they both acting directly opposite each other. However, they did both act in 2003's The United States of Leland but not together. This film is dark. It is rough. It is real. Cianfrance takes a simple story of a failing marriage and makes it his own. He had been writing this film since 1998 when he first arrived in Sundance with his student film, Brother Tied. Another major stand out is the little girl who plays their daughter. Miss Faith Wladyka. A superb cast all around. Everyone is cast perfectly. I recommend this film and consider it one of the top films I saw at Sundance.

7. Buried
- This was the final film I had the pleasure of seeing at Sundance this year and boy, I sure went out with a bang. Young Spanish filmmaker Rodrigo Cortes (director of Dirt Devil and Concurstante) directed this incredibly difficult story to pull off. Practically the entire crew on this production were Spanish with the exception of American screenwiter Chris Sparling (who has written a fantastic script I might add) and American leading man, Ryan Reynolds. WHAT?! RYAN REYNOLDS?! Well, that was exactly my reaction when I first read about this film a couple days before I saw it at the Prospector Square Theatre in Park City. I have seen most of Reynolds' stuff, including last years Sundance sensation, Adventureland, but never really thought he was all that great. He just didn't do it for me. Now this film, Buried, is something that really tests an actor's performance. It is a one man cast revolving around a U.S. contractor named Paul Conroy (played by Reynolds of course) working in Iraq, who, after an attack by the Iraqis, he wakes up to find himself buried in a coffin. All he is equipped with is a lighter and a cell phone (with 3 out of 5 bars) and begins a race against time to escape. Yes, there are multiple actors who provide their voices, when Paul calls them for help (including the lovable voice of character actor Mr. Stephen Tobolowsky!). I really had doubts about this story and couldn't believe that it was only going to be taking place in one small coffin for 90 minutes! Now I have seen other films with similar 'one location' scenarios including, Open Water and Frozen, but this film has one actor only and never, I repeat, NEVER leaves the coffin! You are with him from the moment the opening credits end to the moment the closing credits begin. You are literally with him in the coffin. Now I am pretty claustrophobic, so this film terrified the hell out of me. I mean, is there anything worse than being buried alive inside a coffin? You might think of a million other awful scenarios, but this is by far, in the top five for me. Ryan Reynolds give the perfect amount of sarcasm and shear panic to the role of Paul Conroy which he usually is pretty good at balancing, since his film credits keep bouncing back and forth between comedy and drama like Anne Heche with her sexuality. It was just a matter of time until they combined them and crammed into one meaty role such as this one. It worked sensationally. I have to say, I saw some pretty disturbing films at Sundance this year, but this one is definitely the most disturbing. Because your right there with him. Your sweating with him. Your panicking with him. Your in it... with him. I take my hats off to all who made this film happen and knows what it truly means to terrify someone mentally. If Hitchcock was alive today I think he would be very proud of Buried. Well done.




Well, that's my full review on the seven fascinating films I saw at Sundance 2010. As usual, Sundance continues to present films that rewrite the rules of filmmaking and show people what telling a story is truly about. Please feel free to comment and look for more entries. Thank you for reading and hope you continue.



Sincerely,
FILMBOY - Chris von Hoffmann




ENTRY QUOTE:

"My definition of success is control." - Kenneth Brannagh

MOST DISTURBING OF THE LAST DECADE

This past decade, there have been dozens of outrageous, shocking films that you have watched and were cringing to a point where you either had to pause it to take a breather or shut it off completely. There have been films you have gone to see in the cinema and they shook you up so much that you and many others picked yourself up from your seat and left the theatre ready to vomit. Whether it's a grotesque horror film or an intense 'pushing the envelope' art house film or even a 'banned from every single country but Slovakia' film. I have narrowed it down to, what I think, are the top ten most disturbing and graphic films of this past decade. Please feel free to agree, disagree, or suggest some other shockers! Here we go...




MOST DISTURBING:



1. Ken Park (2002)
-Larry Clark co-directed this so called "art house" sex filled coming of age film along with cinematographer, Edward Lachman. Now Larry Clark has been known to push the buttons and use teenagers over and over in his films and throw them in the most disturbing, sexual situations, but this film, by far, takes the cake. It takes the whole bakery. Harmony Korine (writer of cult indy classic, Kids) was the writer for this film as well, so you know your in for an interesting treat (Gummo...?). I remember when I was 18-years-old and I was going through a "Larry Clark Phase" in my life and was fascinated by all of his films and why he was so interested in teenagers and skateboarding and youth, himself, being a Vietnam veteran in his 60s. By this time I had just watched, what I thought, was his last film for me to see (that being 2006's Wassup Rockers). And then I discovered this little picture and started doing a ton of looking into it. Finding out some of the craziest stories, of how it was banned from practically every country in the world and of its insane graphic nature. Once I heard about this, I knew I had to get a hold of it ASAP. So I actually had to special order this film from eBay with Japanese subtitles. When it finally came, the case was very crappy and the cover was just a blurry image of the three of the four lead actors (James Bullard, Tiffany Limos, and Stephen Jasso) all buck naked on a couch together. So right off the bat, I knew what I read was most likely true. I finally watched it, and BOY were all these stories VERY TRUE. This film has real oral sex, a real sex orgy (performed interestingly to 'Out of Hand' by Gary Stewart), a real masturbation scene (from beginning to... end), and some of the most graphic dialogue and violence I have ever heard or seen in a teen film. This is by far, one of the most cringing films involving youngsters you'll ever see in your life. I mean this makes Kids look like Mean Creek. I mean the film opens up with the title character (Ken Park, played by Adam Chubbuck) blowing his brains out at a public crowded skate park, so... yeah, this film is a rough ride. However, this is not really a good film. The acting is all from non-actors (Clark's ideal approach), and most of them are not particularly good. Only a few of the actors are known (i.e. Amanda Plummer, Wade Williams). But Clark just makes this film disgusting for the sake of it. It's in by no means "art." It's just crap. I mean, for example, when Wade Williams is piss drunk, he whips "it" out to pee in the toilet, and of course, what does Clark do? Zooms in on Williams' penis?! I mean, what the hell purpose does that serve the audience? Why do we need to see that? Why do we need to see a start-finish masturbation of a 17-year-old kid? Did I mention this same kid (played menacingly by James Ransone) viciously stabs his grandparents to death in their sleep? Oh yes. This film is one for the records. He stabs his grandmother over and over in her breasts to be exact. Whether it's Tiffany Limos' character's father biting off a piece of her boyfriend's cheek, or Wade Williams trying to go down on his own son (Stephen Jasso). This film is a disturbing shock fest and I really think it's only for people who are curious and/or fascinated by Clark, cause that was my excuse.



2. Cloud Nine (2008)
-I had the utmost pleasure of opening my visit in Canada for the 2008 Toronto Film Festival with this heart wrenching German film. Andreas Dresen directed this film and co-wrote alongside Jorg Hauschild, Laila Steiler, and Cooky Ziesche. A cautionary tale of a woman in her seventies, and after 30 years of marriage, decides to have an affair with another man around her age. Now the acting is nothing short of brilliant as well as the marvelous storytelling and realism, however, consider this elderly soft core pornography. There are quite a bit of dangerous sex scenes that we haven't all seen before. Picture your grandparents going at as if they were in some raunchy porno. Now I do want to give off the wrong impression of Cloud Nine because it really is a beautiful story of a woman sick of where her life is heading and decides to make a change before it's too late. But her husband does not take it too lightly. This film is a must see for ultra cinema aficionados and foreign film lovers.


3. The Hills Have Eyes (2006)
-First off, I have to say this is by far, one of my all time favorite horror remakes. Especially of this past decade. And for die hard horror fans, this film has absolutely everything to offer. Severe brutality, terrifying killers, great acting, kick ass story, and sadistic revenge at the end... all wrapped up into 107 minutes! Everything from Wes Craven's 1977 original cult classic, just a lot more violent and a hell of a lot more dangerous. French filmmaker (and one of my personal favorite horror filmmakers) Alexandre Aja directed and co-wrote this reboot of Wes Craven's 70s B film of the same name. For those of who you who don't know, Hills revolves around a typical all American family, the Carters, who take a detour through the desert and have their car breakdown in the middle of the road and the middle of nowhere. What they don't know and eventually find out as the sun descends, is that cannibalistic mutants have inhabited the hills within the desert and are preparing to make their move on the poor suckers. Now yes, there is a lot of sick scenes and deaths (the eating of Kathleen Quinlan's body, the dog ripped open, the suckers in the opening scene), but I believe the scene that really shocked me the most and definitely ran chills down my spine was the trailer park nightmare. The first and most brutal attack by the mutants. From the horrific brief rape scene of Emilie de Ravin to Vinessa Shaw getting shot in the head, and Kathleen Quinlan getting blown away shortly after. From the terrifying sounds of Ted Levine screaming outside the trailer as he's getting burned to a crisp while his family watches to Pluto (the biggest mutant) making goofy faces at the baby, preparing to kidnap her. All of this spells out DISTURBING. When this scene was over, I literally could not get all of that out of my head for the next two weeks. It's just one of those things where you know it's just a film, but you still care so much for the characters and just can't believe your eyes when what happens to them, occurs right before your eyes. That's good filmmaking. That's real horror. And that is exactly what this film was... horrifying. However, I think the trailer park attack will go down in the history books, at least my history book, of being one of the most brutal, painstakingly difficult scenes to watch all throughout.


4. Mysterious Skin (2004)
-This is by far one of the most shocking, eye opening films I have ever seen. However, it is also an incredibly crafted film with tour de force performances by independent rebel, Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Thirteen's Brady Corbet. Gregg Araki wrote and directed this masterpiece based on Scott Helm's novel of the same name. Taking place in 1981 Kansas, a gay rebellious hustler, Neil McCormack (Gordon-Levitt), and a lonely teen, Brian Lackey (Corbet), obsessed with alien abductions cross paths, later discovering a groundbreaking truth together of how they are connected. When Neil was 8-years-old he was heavily involved in sexual relations with his pedophile baseball coach (played by Bill Sage), much to the oblivion of his neglectful mother. Meanwhile, Brian, also 8-years-old, wakes up from an amnesia of 4 hours due to a bleeding nose. Brian eventually grows up believing he was abducted by aliens and begins his obsession with the alien life form. Neil grows up to be a free spirited gay hustler throwing his life away in his small hometown without a shoulder to cry on. Brian locates Neil and the two reveal some dark secrets involving their inner demons. That the two might not be so different after all. The film is beautifully told and the script is amazing. However, this film is an extremely rough ride, even for me. When you find out the main story revolves around a gay hustler who had been molested by his baseball coach when he was 8-years-old... your in for an interesting 105 minutes. Thankfully, I believe that the brutal sequences shown in this film do not, by any means, derive from the story line. In other words, the violence and the child molesting subject matter are done in a rather artful sort of way and very crucial to the film. Clearly, this film is not for everyone and is really only out there for specific cinema buffs. I explain this story to people at my job and relatives and whatnot, and they immediately glare at me like I am some kind of sick, twisted monster for ever renting a film revolving around such a disturbing premise. And I keep saying, "if you actually watch the film all the way through and stop bitching and moaning about the subject matter, then you'll understand why I'm praising it." Now Gregg Araki has made a career out of "pushing the bar too high" sort of films, much to the work of Larry Clark. Bringing to the screen such disturbances as Nowhere, Totally F**ked Up and of course, his abnormal shock fest, The Doom Generation, where half the time you don't even know what your watching, but in a way... your still enjoying it. Which is quite sick, considering how grotesque this film can be. Anyway, if you are interested and willing to take a major risk on a film that is pure art, please put Mysterious Skin on your netflix. Like I said, the story alone is horrifying, but if you just give it a chance, you'll discover that THIS is true filmmaking. I remember in 2006, I went to a Q&A with Joseph Gordon-Levitt and the main film people kept coming back to was Mysterious Skin and his incredibly overlooked performance as Neil McCormack. It's a shame that this film did not get the recognition it deserves. Oh yeah, and by the way, if your not familiar with Gordon-Levitt or Corbet's previous or current work, then I'll just let you know that this film also contains Michelle Trachtenberg (Harriet the Spy) and Elisabeth Shue (Adventures in Babysitting, The Karate Kid), so... there ya go...

5. Bully (2001)

-Larry Clark (of course...) directed this "coming of age" in your face teen drama based on Jim Schutze's novel, The True Story of High School Revenge released in 1998, which is based on a horrific story that occurred in Fort Lauderdale, Florida in 1993. The film centers on our main character, Marty Puccio (played perfectly by the late Brad Renfro) who is a lovable loser with some anger issues and a demented girlfriend, Lisa Connelly (played by Rachel Miner). Marty has been "best friends" with Bobby Kent (Nick Stahl) for as long as he can remember. But also as long as he can remember, he has been verbally and physically tormented by Bobby. Marty finally strikes the breaking point once his girlfriend is thrown into the mix through rape by Bobby. Enough is enough. What proceeds is a very unorganized plan by a bunch of high school boneheads and a creepy hitman (a Clark veteran, Leo Fitzpatrick) to murder Bobby and get away with it. If you know the story, they did not get away with it. Marty Puccio was executed, some served life in prison, and others served up to 10-15 years. It's a very tragic story and I can see why Clark gravitated to it. However, the film's subject matter is extremely rough as is every Clark film, right? There's graphic rape, gay anal sex on television, rough sex in general, brutal violence, oral sex, full frontal nudity, fowl language, and just disgusting subject matter all throughout. But I think Clark was trying to grasp the style of these characters and I can't say he did a poor job. These are how kids talk, even back in 1993. One thing I'l give props to Clark is the realism he brings to the screen. He is extremely risky when it comes bringing a story to the screen, and sometimes he fails (Ken Park) and sometimes he succeeds (Kids). But I can't decide if he succeeded or failed with Bully. It's a very cautionary tale and should definitely be shown to the public and open their eyes of what is going on with teen society. But I also think he could have toned it down a bit. I still think Clark gets an erection everytime he's signed onto to another teenager story, cause he knows he'll be putting graphic full frontal sex in there between a guy and a girl... or two guys for that matter. Clark's an interesting fella. I don't know him personally, but he has always fascinated me ever since Kids. Not one of his films have been marketable. NOT ONE. Much like James Toback (however I prefer Toback way more than Clark). But he is not really trying to make interesting art either. Or is he? Maybe in his mind, sexual orgies and over the top realism, and graphic rapes, are art to him. I wish I could pick this man's brain for 5 hours. He just really interests me. Anyway, Bully should NOT be seen by everyone. It's an extremelty disturbing take on a story of teen revenge gone completely wrong. I have to say, the major stand outs in this film are Mr. Nick Stahl and Mr. Brad Renfro. If you look back at the actual photographs of Bobby Kent and Marty Puccio, they looked nothing like them. Bobby Kent was actually a real big guy. Very buff, much like a line backer. And Nick Stahl is just really skinny. Kind of ripped, but nonetheless. Very small. But they both bring so much to the table and ran away with these characters, that if anything, there the ones to watch.

6. Chaos (2005)

-Now first off let me let you all know, that this film is a total waste of time and a major piece of garbage. It has no respect for humanity whatsoever and in no means serves any purpose. In the opening of this film, there is a notice that fades in over black warning the viewer of this film's graphic nature and to protect people in the future who might fall under this exact type of crime. Never seen that before. David DeFalco wrote and directed this disgusting picture (and he should rightfully be shot for it) which revolves around two young girls, Emily and Angelica (played by Chantal Degroat and Maya Barovich) who go to a rave in the woods and of course, are looking to score some drugs. So they get pursuaded by some sketchy chubby loser (quite unconvincingly I might add) to come over to his isolated cabin, and once they get there, what happens? That's right. They get abducted by the loser's psychopathic escape convict brother, Chaos (Kevin Gage) and his two psychopath goons, Swan and Daisy (Sage Stallone, yup, that's right. Sly's brother. And Kelly K.C. Quann). And what proceeds is a night of torture, physical abuse, graphic rape, and eventually brutal deaths. This film is also a complete rip off of Wes Craven's 1972 revenge classic, The Last House on the Left, but once the killers come to the victim's parents house for shelter and the parents find out they killed their daughter, there is still barely any redemption. Yes, two of the psychos die, but the main one (who did all the murdering) gets off scot free and shoots the mother in the head with a rifle! I mean, come on! What is the goddamn point then? If there's no redemption or revenge against the bad guys then why the hell should we watch this? Is DeFalco trying to show us reality to the T put on screen or something? Cause if he is, that's a pretty twisted way of doing it. The tagline for this film is "The Most Brutal Movie Ever Made." And I definitely agree with them. But I think it should have been replaced with, "The Shittiest Movie Ever Made," ya know... just to save the people a few bucks. Let me just mention a couple of the deaths real quick to give you a taste. The first girl gets her nipple torn off from Chaos, he chews on it, then shoves it down her throat making her vomit all over the place. She is then stabbed repeatedly in the back and is then raped by Chaos and Swan. I mean, even I had to pause this scene for a little bit to take a breather and I have extreme high tolerance for this kind of stuff (pretty sick, hmm?). The girl's friend is later on tied up and Chaos rams his hunting knife up her... well... you get the point. No need in describing this massacre any further. This film has an awful script (could have been written by a horny mentally unstable 16-year-old) and horrible acting. And did I mention it's only like 74 minutes!? What the hell?! Now I have no problem with graphic disturbing nature in films, but as long as it's done tastefully and there's a point to all of it. The Last House on the Left, for example, was done very nicely. Yes, it had a rather long rape scene, but after that, it seemed like everything was done subtly and had a "less is more" nature to it. This film, on the other hand, just throws it in your face. All it is, is blood, nudity, rapes, more blood, more nudity, stupid dialogue, bad acting, pointless ending, and oh yeah, more blood. There was no point in why we need to see this film, so please, ladies and gents, do yourself a favor, DO NOT watch this film. Hey, I remember reading all the stories about this on imdb.com, and I was very intrigued so I got it on my netflix, but even if your into edgy stuff like this, still don't watch it. I saw this by myself in my little apartment and I painfully regret every ounce of that moment in my life. It has no respect for humanity, no respect for the audience. Chaos is just a 74 minute stupid shockfest that is trying to be something it's clearly not. It suffocates the audience forcing them to watch what is being shown on screen. Less is more, DeFalco! LESS IS MORE! We don't always need to see EVERYTHING! Let me ask you something, Mr. DeFalco. You think it's cool to show women getting beaten, raped, and then slaughtered in the most graphic ways? Huh? Do ya? Well, then your one sick puppy. Cause it really seemed like the director got off on making this waste of film. I'd rather watch Chaos with Jason Statham than this one (no connection by the way). Having said all that, this film is one of the most cringing, sickening disgraces to all who watch it. If I wanted to get a real taste of crime reality, I'd watch America's Most Wanted or read a damn book. Anything's better than this trash.

7. Irreversible (2003)

-Now when my friend first lent this film to me, I didn't know what to think. I had always been into Vincent Cassel's work, especially after seeing him in his terrifying performance in the horror film, Sheitan. And I always admired European cinema, considering how ruthless they can be and the lack of fear to take chances on a film. Well... after seeing this particular film, that whole outlook on European cinema was officially confirmed. WOW. I remember watching this film while my father was in his study doing paper work and I knew this was going to be somewhat of a disturbing flick, so I shut his door so he couldn't hear. Now the first 10-12 minutes, some dude gets his face bashed in to little itty bitty pieces by a fire hydrant! I couldn't believe how unbelievably graphic the scene was. And it was taking place at an extreme homosexual club called 'The Rectum,' panning over various shots of gay men fisting each other. So... right off the bat, I knew what I was getting myself into. Something for the books... that's for sure. Okay, so that scene wraps up and we dive into the bizarre style of filmmaking where the camera is tossing and turning all around the sky (almost to a sickening point), as we finally discover that we are being rewound to the previous chapter in this story. How we got to 'The Rectum!' We eventually find ourselves focusing on Monica Bellucci's character, Alex, who is Vincent Cassel's character, Marcus' girlfriend (love birds in real life by the way). She takes a detour into a tunnel to catch a specific train and dead in her tracks is some crazy man beating some girl. She tries to escape, but he immediately grabs her and holds her against the wall with his knife. He eventually throws her on the ground, flips her over, rips her skirt off, and begins to anally rape her. Now this scene has got to be one of the, if not, THE most shocking scenes you have ever seen on screen. I mean, this film was the most walked out film at the Cannes Film Festival! And I thought the French could handle anything! This scene is somewhat nesecary to show, considering how crucial it is to the storyline, however, what director, Gasper Noe does so painfully is he keeps a wide shot on the rape for about 10 whole minutes. I actually had to stop the film once to catch my breath, because I just couldn't believe what I was viewing. My father had stopped what he was doing and stepped out of his office, cause of the sounds Bellucci was making. It was just an extremely horrifying sequence. One, unfortunately, not to forget. And just the words, alone, that the rapist was spilling out to her as he was raping her spell out DISGUST. I had never, in my life, seen a scene quite like that, nor hear dialogue quite like that. And I thought I witnessed everything there was to witness in films. Guess I was wrong. DEAD WRONG. Oh wait, what does he do after he rapes her? He beats her to death! I mean, come on! Do we really need to see all this happening?! And I really dug the style that Noe chose to make this film in reverse. However, it is difficult for us viewers to continue with the film, because the actual revenge that Cassel gets on the killer rapist happens in the beginning! Before the actual brutal attack! Now why are we still watching this? Because frankly. nothing else really occurs after this infamous scene. I take my hats off to Mrs. Bellucci considering she undertook this scene in several takes. The film, however, is quite fascinating to watch, but bring a paper bag if you get motion sickness, because the spinning gaps in between time periods to establish the flashback become a little daunting after a while.

8. American Psycho (2000)

-Mary Harron directed this masterpiece cult classic, based on a Bret Easton Ellis novel (Less Than Zero, The Informers). Christian Bale stars as yuppie wall street broker, Patrick Bateman, who has it all. A gorgeous fancy apartment, great job, great women, and a lot of money. Oh yeah, did I mention he's a psychopathic killer? Did I...? Did I forget, or...? Okay, well HE IS! Or is he...? What ensues is a string of gruesome murders as he continues to cover them up, and is frequently followed by a private detective, Det. Donald Kimball (played beautifully by Willem Dafoe). Christian Bale is absolutely perfect for the part of Patrick Bateman and the way he physically transformed himself was a major plus. I personally think this is his best performance of all time... so far. Now when your watching this film, you can't really believe what your watching half the time. Whether it's the graphic threesome with the escorts, or the brutal hacking of Paul Allen (Jared Leto). This one is one for the history books. Some may call it a horror film, others might call it a thriller. I myself, could consider it a piece of film noir with a criminal drama undertone. The story is absolutely fascinating and is told so uniquely. Better than most shitty serial killer films nowadays. Can you believe they also made a straight-to-dvd sequel of this in 2002 called American Psycho II: All American Girl with wait, get this... That 70s Show's Mila Kunis in the starring role! And William Shatner as her professor! Now I know the original was in some ways a dark comedy, but come on! This is a fucken 'Funny or Die' sketch if you ask me! This is not the kind of film that should have a sequel. It's not a stupid slasher flick. It's a well crafted, intelligent character study of the human psychosis with a fascinating twist. Much in the theme of The Silence of the Lambs. Anyway, so I consider this film one of the most disturbing because it really does show us subject matter we have not seen before, well in this generation I guess. It's an extremely risky film and received no marketing whatsoever. And as well it shouldn't have. One scene that sticks out to him (aside from the graphic orgy) is the scene where one of the original escorts from the orgy returns to his apartment to have another go around with Bateman. He then finally makes his move. He chases her all throughout his apartment bare naked with blood all over his body, swinging a chainsaw! She keeps on running into the wrong rooms trying to find the exit. What she keeps finding are mutilated dead bodies. She finally exits, and what does Bateman do? He actually bolts out of his apartment and proceeds to chase her through the hallway of the building with no care in the world if anyone sees. She finds the spiral staircase and proceeds to run down them. Bateman stares down with his chainsaw trying to make his mark, finally does, drops the chainsaw and it nails her dead on, killing her instantly. This might not sound gruesome on the page, but trust me. Watching it on the screen. Everything spells out disturbing. After all the outstanding performances on his resume, I think Bale gives the performance of his career with American Psycho. Did I mention that practically all women were behind the making of this production?! Now that's pretty cool if you ask me.

9. Anti-Christ (2009)

-Lars von Trier (Dogville) wrote and directed this cautionary tale of a grieving couple, labeled as just He and She (Willem Dafoe and Charlotte Gainsbourg), who retreat to their isolated cabin in the woods to repair their broken and failing marriage. However, things start to get a bit rough around the edges... Yes, this film contains plenty of disturbing gore and sex, but it is also a beautifully structured film, and it's a shame that critics panned it because of the violent matter. If you really look beyond that (even though it can be tough at times...), you will realize that this film is a work of art. In some cases, it makes Quentin Tarantino look mainstream. I, frankly, am getting sick and tired of these constantly predictable American flicks with the same bullshit stories. Nothing ever changes! Everyone is worried about the profit there all going to make. No one worries about pushing the envelope a little, or a lot even. Nobody dares to take a risk. Thankfully we still have brilliant filmmakers like Lars von Trier. Now I am not saying this is a perfect film by any means. Honestly the cinematography is most likely the most brilliant aspect of this production. Flawless camera work by Anthony Dod Mantle. The story is pretty weak at points and the disturbing content does, at times, derive from the story. To a point where it's just being disturbing for the sake of it. And this will definitely show you things that you have not seen before, even when you think you've seen everything (i.e. a vagina spreading open???). I mean, even Willem Dafoe, who I think is one of the most edgiest actors of his generation, hesitated before signing on for this film! That's pretty extreme if you ask me. When the man who is acted in such films as Shadow of the Vampire, American Psycho and The Boondock Saints hesitates about signing on for something like Anti-Christ... you know this film is going to be a bit of a shocker. And shock you it does. Not the best film or the worst film of 2009, but definitely a piece of art... no matter how disturbing it can be at times. I mean, two actors, a man and a woman??? So many possibilities. I'd be interested on how this would look on stage.

10. Teeth (2007)

-Michael Lichtenstein wrote and directed this dark horror/comedy low blow to men all over. This delightfully unique tale revolves around a high school virgin named Dawn O'Keefe (played by Jess Weixler) who discovers she has quite the physical advantage "down under" when she becomes the target for overly horny high schoolers. If it were up to me, I'd change this title and go from Teeth to Chompers, because honestly, teeth is an understatement for what this girl does to these guys'... well... you know... By the way, if ya'll haven't guessed yet on where the "teeth" are located... there inside Dawn's vagina. Oh yes. Her vagina has monstrous teeth that will rip you to shreds. Or... just one organ of yours. This film definitely did for men and sex what Psycho did for showers, or what Jaws did for water. Now I wouldn't consider this an excellent film by any stretch of the imagination. However, it definitely combined the perfect blend of dark comedy and disturbing unique horror. A cult classic if you will. Something I could possibly see Roger Corman direct if he were 30 years younger. Actually, when I was in Sundance in 2009, my uncle Steve told me a story about how he was having breakfast in this little diner that contained several gay waiters. So my uncle Steve was discussing this particular film, Teeth, to his buddies, right? And I guess one of the gay waiters overheard his conversation, charged right up to them, and said with such pride, "That is exactly why we DON'T DO VAGINAS!" And went right back into the kitchen. Now that's a hell of a story. This film surely had a fantastic and original idea that can be both terrifying as well as down right hilarious and also be an eye opener to rapists all over, but I feel like it didn't quite do it justice. In other words, it could have been a hell of a lot better. It flowed very unevenly and honestly, most of the performances were pretty dull. With the exception of John Hensley, who plays Brad, Dawn's step-brother, who continuously tries to take her virginity. Other than him, everyone else doesn't really bring much to the table. I found myself just waiting for the next brutal attack, instead of focusing on the story at hand. One amazing stand out scene for me is her first attack on a young man in a cave who tries to rape her. She, or I should say, It, tears it off and the next day we find the severed penis being gnawed on by a couple of crabs. I'M SERIOUS, PEOPLE! Pretty grotesque if you ask me. But the film really does fall flat and you find yourself about 45 minutes in, waiting for it to end to be honest. Not the best horror/comedy or the worst horror/comedy. Just a horror/comedy with a fantastic original premise, but unfortunately was not done the best it could have been. However, I assure you, this film is %100 pro-women and %500 anti-men, so... men... think twice before you get a little rough with the lady.

Well, that's my top ten for this past decade. Please let me know what you think if you read this! Feel free to recommend any other disturbing films of this past decade, or hell, of any decade! There's just too many to list (Cannibal Holocaust, anyone???).

Sincerely,

FILMBOY - Chris von Hoffmann

ENTRY QUOTE:

"I never act. I simply bring out the animal inside me." - Willem Defoe